Finest Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy approaches the Madam of a local whorehouse and says, "Madam, I'm ready to spend top dollar here, but I have some very specific requirements. Do you think you can meet them?"
To which the Madam replies, "Sir, you have come to the finest brothel in the area. Our Ladies are extremely skilled in pleasing a man in every way! Simply name your pleasure."
"Great!" he says, "Now here's what I want. I want a woman that doesn't moan, or groan, or thrash around or even move at all. In fact, I want her to simply lie there like a cold, hard piece of wood."
"Well!", she says, "I must say that is a very unusual request, but I simply don't understand. We have the finest, most desirable and exciting women in the world here. Why would you make such a request?"
To which he replies, "Well, I'm a traveling salesman that's been on the road for a while, but I'm not really horny, I'm just homesick!"

Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend Sam asked. "I've never had an old ball," Morris said.

Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner! So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says, "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family." "Very good" said Dracula. The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Astonished Dracula says, "How did you do that?" The bat replies, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children." "Impressive" said Dracula. Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned. "How on more...

One of Microsoft`s finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. One of Microsoft`s finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

We serve only the finest California wines. Did you bring any?

The Lady of the manor lived on for many years after the old Lord had died. Indeed, she continued in the true blue-blooded ways to which the old Lord had always set the finest example, including maintaining their wide circle of august friends.
For this particular evening the old Lady had arranged a large dinner at the manor and of course the finest of aristocracy in the land had accepted invitations.
Unfortunately the old dear had developed a severe "wind" problem, shall we say. But being a pragmatist and CERTAINLY not prepared to even entertain the THOUGHT of cancelling the dinner, she summoned the butler before the first guests were due to arrive.
"George," she said, "You are of course aware of my WIND problem. No, no, do not hesitate, I KNOW you are! Just please do as I ask. Please see that you stand right behind me all evening, just in case I should need you".
"Yes, Ma'am," said George.
That evening, halfway through the more...

Moshe Rabbinowitz decides to join the country club near his home. He goes in and is turned down flat because he does not meet their "standards." So he enrolls in the finest schools to learn the art of being culturally rich. Moshe learns to cook the finest of foods, appreciate the best art, drive the best car, wear the classiest suits, etc. He even hires Professor Henry Higgins to educate him in the proper speech and behavior. The big day arrives. Martin James Roget arrives at the country club forhis interview. "Tea?" the interviewer asks. "Earl Grey, hot please." "Hobbies?" "Polo, racket ball, hunting." "Religion?" "Goy."