Finger Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was out duck hunting when a cop came drove by and asked him for his ID.
Okay said the hunter.
The cop then grabbed one of the ducks, stuck his finger up the ducks ass, and asked him if he had a liscence to own a California duck.
The man showed him the liscence.
The cop took another ducks ass and shoved his finger up it. He asked the hunter if he had a liscence to hunt Florida duck.
The man showed him his liscence.
The cop finally took the last duck, shoved his finger up the duck's butt and asked him if he had a liscence to hunt Louisiana duck.
The man showed him the liscence.
The cop calmed down and started to relax. "So, where u from?" the cop asked.
The man bent over. "You tell me," he said.

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on 'Observation'.
He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This", he explained, "is
urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to colour, smell,
sight and taste."
After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into
his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust.
But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed,
and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put
it into their mouth.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If
anyof you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put
my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."

- When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
- During your initial consultation, he tries to sell you Amway.
- He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
- During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
- He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
- Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
- He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
- He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most more...

One of Microsofts finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "Its leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."

3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.

6. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

7. A prison guard is shaving your head.

8. Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

10. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

11. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said. .."

12. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.

13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with more...

One hand on wheel,
one hand on horn:
CHICAGO.
One hand on wheel,
middle finger out window:
NEW YORK.
One hand on wheel,
middle finger out window,
cutting across all lanes of traffic:
NEW JERSEY.
One hand on wheel,
one hand on newspaper,
foot solidly on accelerator:
BOSTON.
One hand on wheel,
one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino,
cradling cell phone,
brick on accelerator, gun in lap:
LOS ANGELES.
Both hands on wheel,
eyes shut,
both feet on brake,
quivering in terror:
From MONTANA, but driving in CALIFORNIA.
Both hands in air,
gesturing,
both feet on accelerator,
head turned to talk to
someone in back seat:
ITALY.
One hand on wheel,
one hand on hunting rifle,
alternating between both feet being on the
accelerator, and both feet
on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window:
TEXAS.
Four-wheel drive pick-up truck,
shotgun mounted in more...