Finger Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two drunk, Santa and Banta, were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground.
"Is that shit, Banta?" Santa said.
"I don`t really know." Responded Banta as he bent over, "it smells like shit."
Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. "It feels like shit!"
Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. "Sure tastes like shit, buddy! I think it`s definitely shit."
"Hooooeee!" Responded Santa, "Good thing we didn’t step in it!"

Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Woman who fly plane upside down have crackup. Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk. A girl's best asset is her' lie'ability. Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have! Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night. (hehehe - ^v^) Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger. Man with athletic finger make broad jump. He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab. Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons. Man who lose key to apartment not get new key. He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise. Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert. Wash your face in the morning, neck at night. He who eats too many prunes, sits on more...

A woman goes to a party and leaves her husband at home to watch the football game. At the party the bartender recognized her wedding ring on the wrong finger so he ask her "Why is your wedding ring on the wrong finger mam?" "Well you don’t miss a thing do you and your right it is, and it’s because I married the wrong man!"

A telphone man joined the Army. As part of his basic
training, he went out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots at
the target, and missed the target with every shot! His Drill
Instructor tried to find out why.
"What's the matter with you?" asked the DI. "Why can't you
hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a telephone man," replied the new recruit, "and I
don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The telephone man checked his rifle, checked his rifle
again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his
finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the
end of his finger off!
"Well," the phone man said, writhing in pain, "the bullets
are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
Bruce Stein on the Line

A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen? ” the emergency room doctor asked her. “Well, I was trying to commit suicide, ” the blonde replied. “What? ” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting off the tip of your finger? ” “No, silly! ” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought, “I just paid $6000 for these, I’m not shooting myself in the chest. ’” “So, then? ” asked the doctor. “Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, ‘I just paid $3000 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth. ’” “So, then? ” “Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought ‘This is going to make a loud noise, ’ so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger. ”

A communication technician drafted by the army was at a firing range. At the range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and 50 rounds. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his weapon, and then at the target. He looked at the weapon again, and then at the target again. He then put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

Confucious say:
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Man who stand on toilet
high on pot. It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for
boy to park meat in girl! Man who jizz in cash register come into
money. Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time. Man who fart
in church must sit in own pew. Man who finger girl having period get
caught red handed. Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam. Baseball
wrong-man with four balls cannot walk. Man who eat many prunes get
good run for money. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with
smelly finger. Learn to masturbate-come in handy. Woman who pounce
on dead rooster go down on limp cock. Man who buy drowned cat must
pay for wet pussy. Virgin like balloon-one prick, all gone.