Finger Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is no such thing as child-proofing your houseIf you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can igniteA 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurantIf you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strongenough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and asuperman capeIt is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a20 by 20 foot roomBaseballs make marks on ceilings. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up afew times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hitby a ceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's alreadytoo late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36year old man says more...

Confucious say:Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Man who stand on toilethigh on pot. It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better forboy to park meat in girl! Man who jizz in cash register come intomoney. Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time. Man who fartin church must sit in own pew. Man who finger girl having period getcaught red handed. Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam. Baseballwrong-man with four balls cannot walk. Man who eat many prunes getgood run for money. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up withsmelly finger. Learn to masturbate-come in handy. Woman who pounceon dead rooster go down on limp cock. Man who buy drowned cat mustpay for wet pussy. Virgin like balloon-one prick, all gone.

A man and his girlfriend were sitting in the backseat of his car, having some fun and things started to get hott and heavy. The man told the girl he wanted to finger her, but she said she was on her period and would be too embarrassed. It took some convincing, but finally she gave in. So he was goin at it when a policeman stuck his head through the open window and said "Whats going on in here?" The man quickly rubbed his finger around his lips and replied "Eatin Pizza!"

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in New York to say hello to his friends. Giovanni said: "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treepa?" Luigi said: "Everytinga wasa perfecto except for da traina ride down." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni. "Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. "She broughta vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were looking a forward to da trip. Everytinga wasa Okey Dokey until we getta hungry and open upa da luncha basket. "The conductore come a by, waga hisa finger at us and a say: 'No eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car'. So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a biga luncha and start to open a bottle of nice vino! "Conductore walka by again, waga hisa finger and say: 'No drinka in disa car. Musta use a club acar.' So, we go to club car. While drinkina more...

A young woman said to her doctor, “You have to help me, I hurt all over. ”
“What do you mean? ” said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts. ”
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too. ”
Then she touched her right earlobe. “Ow, even THAT hurts. ”
The doctor asked the woman, “Are you a natural blonde? ”exit
“Why yes, ” she said.
“I thought so, ” said the doctor. “You have a sprained finger. ”

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi. How was a da treep?"
Luigi said, "Ever'thing was a perfect except for da train a ride down."
"What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Centrala Station. My beautifula Virginia had packed a biga basket a food with vino and cigars for a me, and a we were looking a 'forward to da trip. All was OK until we gotta hungry and opened up a da luncha basket.
"The conductor came by, wagged his a finger at us and a say, 'No eat in dese'a car. Must'a use'a dining car.'"
"So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a big'a lunch and begin to open'a bottle of vino. Conductor come again, wag his'a finger and say, 'No drink'a in dese'a car. Must'a use'a club'a car.'"
"So we go to more...

Four nuns die in a car crash and end up at the Pearly Gates where they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Before any of you can enter Heaven, I must ask you a question. Has any part of your body ever touched a man's penis?"
The first nun lowers her eyes and softly replies, "I did touch one with my finger one time." "OK," says St. Peter, "dip your finger in this pail of holy water and you can go inside."
He then asks the second nun, "Has any part of your body ever touched a man's penis?"
The second nun solemnly replies, "Yes, St. Peter, I touched one with my hand one time." "Ok, dip your hand in this pail of holy water and you can go inside," says St. Peter.
St. Peter then turns to the third nun and asks, "Has any part of your body ever touched a man's penis?"
Before she has a chance to answer, the fourth nun pushes the third nun aside and stands in front of St. Peter.
Shocked, St. more...