Fire Jokes / Recent Jokes
Poor Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.
Clem went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Clem said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Clem looked and said "Nope, ain't Clyde." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Zeke to identify the body and Zeke took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Zeke looked down and said "No, it ain't Clyde."
The mortician asked "How can you tell?" Zeke said, "Well, Clyde had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?" said the mortician. Zeke said, "Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say "Here comes Clyde with them two assholes."
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were all about to get executed. The shooter aimed at the redhead and asked if she had any last words. She shook her head, and the executer yelled, "READY? AIM-"
The redhead then called out, "TORNADO!!"
As a human reflex, they ducked, and the redhead ran off. The executers ignored her and aimed at the brunette. They asked if she had any last words and she shook her head no. "READY AIM-" He called again, but the brunette shouted, "EARTHQUAKE"
As they once again, ducked. The blond was catching on, so when they asked if she had any last words, she shook her head. The man signaled his hand and called "READY, AIM-" She quickly yelled, "FIRE!!!"
1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A more...
Love is a fire. Whether it will warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices
a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog
and cat.The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice
fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration."Thanks," the girl says.The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the
wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner" the
fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but
if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go
faster."The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a
siren."
A fire official was giving a fire safety seminar to a group of factory employees. Demonstrating the proper way to operate an extinguisher, he told the group, ""Pull the pin like a hand grenade, then depress the trigger to release the foam."
Later, he selected a blonde female employee to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. Standing with the extinguisher in her hands, she was so nervous that she forgot to pull the pin.
The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"
In a burst of confidence, she pulled the pin and hurled the extinguisher into the blaze.