Fire Jokes / Recent Jokes

All marriages are happy-it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control. Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn't agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don't love me nearly as much as she does. Draw your own conclusions. It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four, besides being very amusing. May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead. May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters. May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears. Sign in a marriage counselor's window: "Out to lunch - Think it over." The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage. There is no realizable power that man cannot, in more...

The following our signs seen overseas where the actual message of the signs became somewhat lost in the english translation. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Belgrade elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 & 11 am daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In an Austrian hotel for skiers: Not to more...

A fire fighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung on the side. The boy was wearing a firefighter's helmet and had the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.

The firefighter said, "Hey little partner, what are you doing?"

The little boy said, "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck."

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" he said with admiration.

"Thanks mister" the boy said.

The firefighter looked a little closer and noticed that the boy had tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

"You're probably right, more...

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" the cop asked.
"Yes, I did. How did you know?" the golfer asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded, "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

A guy calls up a pianter (a blonde) and askes how much would it be for him to get his porch painted green. The blonde answers 50 bucks. He says thats reasonable 4 a rape a round porch and tells her to come on over. She comes over and he tells her to start while he goes to work when the guy gets home he sees the blonde puting the finishing touch on his FIRE BIRD he screams " what did u do to my fire bird" she answers wow all thiss time i thought it was a porche

All marriages are happy-it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems.Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control.Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn't agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don't love me nearly as much as she does. Draw your own conclusions.It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four, besides being very amusing.May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the plow when your horse drops dead.May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your daughters.May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.Sign in a marriage counselor's window: "Out to lunch - Think it over."The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, more...

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite

A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a
superman cape

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a
20 by 20 foot room

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already
too late.

Brake more...