Fired Jokes / Recent Jokes

When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...IN PRISON... You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.IN PRISON... You get three meals a day.
AT WORK... You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.IN PRISON... You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK... You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.IN PRISON... A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.IN PRISON... You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.IN PRISON... You get your own toilet.
AT WORK... You have to share.IN PRISON... They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.IN PRISON... All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK... You get to more...

A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive her application. As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job she's ever held." I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job." "Yes," says the lady. "Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that." "Well, " says the woman as she pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter!"

"I'm never going to work for that man again"
"Why, what did he say?"
"You're fired"

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M's Factory? She threw away all the w's. Sent by Chris

MURPHY`S LAWS ON WORK
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
Don`t be irreplaceable, if you can`t be replaced, you can`t be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don`t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
Keep your boss`s more...

One man explaining to another why he fired his secretary:
"Two weeks ago," I said, ''was my forty-fifth birthday and I wasn't feeling too
hot that morning anyway. I went into the kitchen for breakfast knowing that my
wife would be pleasant and say 'Happy Birthday' and probably have a present for
me. She didn't even say 'Good Morning' let alone say 'Happy Birthday'.
''I said to myself 'Well that's wives for you. The children will remember.'
But the children came into breakfast and didn't say a word. And when I started
to the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
''As I walked into my office, Janet said 'Good Morning, Boss-Happy Birthday'
and I felt a little bit better that someone had remembered.
''I worked until noon. About noon, Janet knocked on my door and said, 'You know
it's such a beautiful day outside and it is your birthday, so let's go to
lunch, just you and I.' I said, 'By George, that is the greatest thing more...

IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK..........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
AT WORK.........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK..........You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK..........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........You have to share.

IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK..........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid more...