Fired Jokes / Recent Jokes

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.IN PRISON...You get three meals a day. AT WORK... You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.IN PRISON...You get time off for good behavior. AT WORK... You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.IN PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.IN PRISON...You can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.IN PRISON...You get your own toilet. AT WORK... You have to share.IN PRISON...They allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.IN PRISON...All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK... You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.IN PRISON...You spend most more...

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied."

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day, the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well. .. when I fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

This guy comes home from work at the pickle factory and his wife asks him how his day was.
"Horrible," he says. "After 10 years working at the pickle factory, they fired me."
"Why'd they fire you?" asked his wife.
"Well, me and a bunch of the guys went out to a bar during lunch and got pretty loaded. When we got back, they bet me $100 bucks that I wouldn't stick my dick in the pickle slicer."
"Well, did you?" asked his wife.
"For 100 bucks?" said the husband. "Of course I did."
"Well, is your dick OK?" asked the wife.
"It's fine."
"Well, what happened to the pickle slicer?" asked his wife.
"They fired her too."

This couple comes to a new town and the guy gets a job at the local pickle factory. After a week he is employee of the week... after a month he knows his job so well that he becomes employee of the month. A few years go by and each year he wins the employee of the year award.
One day in his 3rd year, he comes home looking all depressed. His wife asks him what the matter is, to which he responds that he got fired.
"FIRED! How can you get fired, you're always employee of the week, month and year."
To this he responds that he had another fantasy that he needed to fulfill and it got him fired. "Oh no, not again! What did you do this time?" she asks.
"Well, I always fantasized about sticking my willy in the pickle slicer."
"You didn't!?" she asks.
"Well, yes I did."
Then she asks, "Did it hurt?"
"No not really."
Puzzled she then asks, "Well what happened to the pickle more...

A woman just got a new job and her co-workers told her her first assignment: to fire the janitor, Don. The woman was very nervous about doing this, so she decided to get it over with fast. She marched up with her head down and said to the man, "I'm sorry, but you're fired!" Her co-workers who were watching suddenly started laughing out loud. She looked at the man she fired and he said, "I don't think you have the right to fire you boss!!!"

Boston College coach Jeff Jagodzinski is expected to be fired after interviewing with the New York Jets. Not because of disloyalty, but because it's now obvious that he lacks good decision-making skills.