Fired Jokes / Recent Jokes

You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance. (Is that a bad mental image or what?)
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

A man and his wife went to the company Christmas party where the man has a little too much to drink.
He staggers down the stairs, completely hung over, and makes his way to the breakfast bar. His wife poors him a cup of coffee.
With his head in his hand, he asks "Damn, honey." "What happened last night?"
She replies, "It wasn't a pretty sight."
He asks, "What do you mean?"
"Well" she replies, "You were not on your best behavior and your boss was extremely upset."
"He was", he moans.
"Yes" she replies, "He sure was."
"Aahhh, PISS ON HIM!" he says.
"You did," she replies. "Honey, You got fired last night."
"I got fired?" he questions.
"Yes" she answers "You got fired"
"Aahhh, FUCK HIM!" he says.
She replies, "I did, you start back Monday morning!"

When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn`t so bad...

IN PRISON....... You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK........ You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

AT WORK........ You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON....... You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK........ You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON....... A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........ You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON........ You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK......... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON....... You get your own toilet.
AT WORK........ You have to share.

IN PRISON....... They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK........ You cannot even speak to your family and more...

An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short
walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 meters away.
The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3
meters to the right of the moose.
The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for,
aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose.
The statistician jumped up and down and screamed "We got him! We got him!"

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON...You get three meals a day. AT WORK... You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON...You get time off for good behavior. AT WORK... You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON...You can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON...You get your own toilet. AT WORK... You have to share.
IN PRISON...They allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON...All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK... You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for more...

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
Bentley’s second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta’s Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. “The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist. ”
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn’t fire, but shouted in triumph, “We got it! We got it! ”
Q: How has French revolution affected world more...

Their are two blondes working at a company together. The rest
are redheads and brunettes. One day a blonde came in and
started yelling "I'm a light, I'm a light!" The boss went over
to her and and told her that if she yelled that again she would
get fired. So the next day the blonde came in yelling "I'm a
light, I'm a light!" The boss went over too her and told her
that she was fired. So she started to pack her bags and her
other blonde friend was packing her bags too. The boss went
over to her and said "Why are you packing your bags I fired
your friend not you?" "I know", said the blonde "but how am I
supposed to work without a light?"