Fixing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces: "We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing -- assume the brace position immediately!"
Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face. Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: "What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to friggin' crash!"
Claudia responds: "I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces -- which is why I am putting on my make-up."
Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the law of gravity. Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout: "Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to more...

This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer? ”
Joe says, “Well hell, what’s the matter? ”
The Man says, “Well, my son has just come home from college and I found out he’s gay. ”
Joe says, “Man that’s terrible, ” and gives the man his whiskey and beer.
Two weeks go by and the same man goes to the bar… He walks in and says, “Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer? ”
Joe says, “Well hell, what’s the matter this time? ”
The man says, “Well my other boy just come home from college and I found out that HE’S gay. ”
Joe says, “Man, that’s a damn shame, ” and fixes him up with the beer and whiskey.
Three weeks go by and the man comes bursting through the doors and says, “Joe, I want you to fix me up with every f*cking drink you got in the house! ”
Joe says, “Geez, doesn’t more...

This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"

Joe says, "Well hell, what's the matter?"

The Man says, "Well, my son has just come home from college and I found out he's gay."

Joe says, "Man that's terrible," and gives the man his whiskey and beer.

Two weeks go by and the same man goes to the bar... He walks in and says, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"

Joe says, "Well hell, what's the matter this time?"

The man says, "Well my other boy just come home from college and I found out that HE'S gay."

Joe says, "Man, that's a damn shame," and fixes him up with the beer and whiskey.

Three weeks go by and the man comes bursting through the doors and says, "Joe, I want you to fix me up with more...

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2: Don’t worry, I have a one more.

Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super models conference in Paris, when the captain of the plane announces: “We have just lost power to the engines and are going to make an emergency crash landing - assume the brace position immediately! ”
Immediately the three models start preparing for the worst. Claudia pulls out lipstick and make-up and starts fixing her face.
Bewildered, Naomi and Cindy ask: “What in the hell are you doing fixing your make-up when we are about to freaking crash! ”
Claudia responds: I know for a fact the rescue workers will search for, and save first, the ones who have the best looking faces- which is why I am putting on my make-up. ”
Cindy Crawford rips open her blouse to expose two beautiful mounds of flesh which inexplicably defy the law of gravity. Totally confused, Naomi and Claudia shout: “Cindy, have you lost your senses? Why are you baring your breasts for everyone to see when we are about more...

A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day. He told his girlfriend he'd have it fixed in no time. However as it was very cold his hands kept getting cold. He askedhis girl if he could put his hands between her knees to warm them. She said that would be allright. After getting his hands warm hewent back to fixing the tire but it was so cold he could notcontinue so he again asked his girl if he could warm his hands.She again said it would be allright. When his hands were warm hewent back to fixing the tire once more. But before he been outthere five minutes or so he again asked her if he could warm hishands.His girl asked "Honey don't your ears ever get cold?"

This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"
Joe says, "Well hell, what's the matter?"
The Man says, "Well, my son has just come home from college and I found out he's gay."
Joe says, "Man that's terrible," and gives the man his whiskey and beer.
Two weeks go by and the same man goes to the bar... He walks in and says, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"
Joe says, "Well hell, what's the matter this time?"
The man says, "Well my other boy just come home from college and I found out that HE'S gay."
Joe says, "Man, that's a damn shame," and fixes him up with the beer and whiskey.
Three weeks go by and the man comes bursting through the doors and says, "Joe, I want you to fix me up with every f*cking drink you got in the house!"
Joe more...