Flat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Kenny Rogers and his entourage are aboard their tour bus on their way to a concert in Denver, when they get a flat tire.The mechanic jumps off the bus to fix the flat, but because they're already behind schedule and in a hurry, he neglects to double check that the lug nuts are properly tightened.Shortly thereafter, as the bus goes around a curve on a twisty mountain highway, the entire wheel comes off. The bus veers off the road, and plunges down the side of the mountain.Everybody on board is killed, except for a young "roadie" who happened to be lying in his bunk, and was somewhat shielded from the crash by his mattress.The kid is lying in his hospital bed being interviewed by the press, and one reporter asks him if Kenny Rogers had said any last words?"Yes," said the young man, "he did." As the bus went over the edge I could hear Mr. Rogers singing... "You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel"...

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar." Hey bartender" said the Engineer, "I'll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there." The bartender responded, "I'm sorry sir but that guy's a commie and we don't serve his kind around here." "Well, you'd better because if it weren't for that guy, I wouldn't be here. You remember that mine that caved in, well I was in that mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don't believe me, look at the top of his head and you'll see that it's flat from holding the roof up." The bartender skeptically served the commie his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot on his head but more...

It was a bright spring morning and 4 high school students decided to play hookey. They didn't arrive at school until after lunch and told the teacher as their excuse that their car had a flat tire. (Remember the days when you had to walk and take the bus? These kids have their own cars today!) Anyway, back to the story... To their relief, the teacher just smiled and said, "You boys missed a little quiz this morning. Please take seats apart from one another and get out your pencils and paper."

When the boys were seated at their desks (far apart), the teacher said, "OK, now each of you is to write an essay on WHICH tire was flat and how you fixed it."

An old man had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the old man stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"
"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.
"The pub called - you left your wheelchair there more...

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar.
"Hey bartender" said the Engineer, "I'll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there."
The bartender responded, "I'm sorry sir but that guy's a commie and we don't serve his kind around here."
"Well, you'd better because if it weren't for that guy, I wouldn't be here. You remember that mine that caved in, well I was in that mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don't believe me, look at the top of his head and you'll see that it's flat from holding the roof up."
The bartender skeptically served the commie his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot more...

On the 1st day of Christmas AOL gave to me……..
unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 2nd day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 3rd day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
3 Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 4th day of Christmas AOL gave to me…….
4 frozen screens, 3 Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 5th day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
5 Chat Room brawls!!! 4 frozen screens, 3 Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited
hours with a flat fee.
On the 6th day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
6 snerts annoying, 5 Chat Room brawls!!! 4 frozen screens, 3 Emails, 2 buddy
lists and unlimited hours with a flat fee.
On the 7th day of Christmas AOL gave to me……
7 hackers hacking, 6 snerts annoying, 5 Chat Room brawls!!! 4 frozen screens, 3
Emails, 2 buddy lists and unlimited hours with a more...

Santa and Banta got jobs in Dubai. They also found accommodation in a high-rise building: Santa on the ground floor, Banta on the 25th. One day when the lift was not working, Banta invited Santa for dinner in his 25th floor flat. Poor Santa trudged up the 25 floors only to find Banta's flat locked and a big board on the door which read:' How did you enjoy your dinner?'
Not to be outdone, Santa wrote under the board,' Sorry, I could not make it.'