Flat Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar.
"Hey bartender" said the Engineer, "I'll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there."
The bartender responded, "I'm sorry sir but that guy's a communist and we don't serve his kind around here."
"Well, you'd better because if it weren't for that guy, I wouldn't be here. You remember that mine that caved in, well I was in that mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don't believe me, look at the top of his head and you'll see that it's flat from holding the roof up."
The bartender skeptically served the communist his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat more...
"Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle your feet in the air as if you were riding your bikes," said the gym teacher. "Fred! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy." "I'm freewheeling, sir."
There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar."Hey bartender" said the Engineer, "I'll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there."The bartender responded, "I'm sorry sir but that guy's a commie and we don't serve his kind around here.""Well, you'd better because if it weren't for that guy, I wouldn't be here. You remember that mine that caved in, well I was in that mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don't believe me, look at the top of his head and you'll see that it's flat from holding the roof up."The bartender skeptically served the commie his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot on his head but I more...
Yo mama's like...- Yo mama's like a T. V., even a two-year-old could turn her on. - Yo mama's like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more. - Yo mama's like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded. - Yo mama's like a bubble gum machine... five cents a blow. - Yo mama's like Chinese food... sweet, sour, and cheap. - Yo mama's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece. - Yo mama's like Burger King... Your way, right away. - Yo mama's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth. - Yo mama's like 7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy. - Yo mama's like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit. - Yo mama's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen. - Yo mama's like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner. - Yo mama's like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day. - Yo mama's like a 747, more...
A young couple are on their way to Vegas to get married. Before
getting there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to
make; the reason that they have not been too intimate is because
she is very flat chested. If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding,
its okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she
is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said
that he also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is
just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, its okay
with him. The girl thought about it for a while and said that she
does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more
important than sex in a marriage.
They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to
Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off more...
. ..and Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
...and Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
...and Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
...and Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
...and Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
...and Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
...and Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
...and Law of Close Encounters
The probability of more...