Flat Jokes / Recent Jokes

When the bartender announced that it was closing time, a man who had been there drinking all night stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand up again and the same thing happened. Thinking that maybe some fresh air would help to sober him up, he crawled outside.
Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face again, so he decided to crawl the few blocks to his home. Arriving at his front door, he stood up and yet again, fell flat on his face. Crawling through the front door and into his bedroom, he tried one more time to stand up. This time he was able to pull himself upright, but quickly fell right into bed and was fast alseep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
The next morning he was awakened by his irate wife standing over him, yelling, "So, you were out drinking again last night!"
"What would make you say that?" he asked with an innocent look.
"The bartender called! You left your wheelchair there again!" she more...

A man's been drinking at the pub all night. The barman finally says that the bar is closing, so the man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result.
He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and that will sober him up.
Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the four blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face again.
He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up.
This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting, 'So you've been out drinking again!'
'What makes you say that?' he asks, putting on an innocent look
His wife said, 'The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again.'

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"
"What makes you say that?"
he asked, putting on an innocent look.
"The pub called - you left your wheelchair there more...

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!""What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look."The pub called - you left your wheelchair there again."

It was dusk time when a man had a flat tire right in front of a mental health hospital. After unscrewing the four nuts of the flat tire, he noticed that a hospital patient is watching him from over a nearby embankment. He managed to step on the hubcap in which he had carefully placed the nuts. To his dismay, the nuts went flying into the grass on the side of the road. So he got on his hands and knees and started searching in vain for the nuts in the semi-darkness.
A few minutes later he heard the mental patient chuckle, so he shouted at him irritably, "What are you laughing at?"
The other guy explained: "Well, you have three other tires, each of which has four nuts... If you were to take one nut from each, you'll end up with four tires being held in place with three nuts per tire. This should be safe enough for you to drive to the next town over, where you can buy a new set of nuts."
Embarrassed, the poor car driver couldn't help asking, "How come more...

Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse? A: They are always longing for another stop. Q: Why are a organist's fingers like lightning? A: Because they rarely strike the same place twice. Q: What do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat miner. Q: What do you get if you drop an organ on an army base? A: A flat major. Q: Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio upright? A: It makes a louder noise, when you drop it off a cliff. Q: Why was the organ invented? A: So the musician would have a place to put his beer. Q: What does a German Hammond organist do in his life's most tender moments? A: He puts his Leslie on "slow". The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.

It was dusk time when a man had a flat tire right in front of a mental health hospital. After unscrewing the four nuts of the flat tire, he noticed that a hospital patient is watching him from over a nearby embankment. He managed to step on the hubcap in which he had carefully placed the nuts. To his dismay, the nuts went flying into the grass on the side of the road. So he got on his hands and knees and started searching in vain for the nuts in the semi-darkness.A few minutes later he heard the mental patient chuckle, so he shouted at him irritably, "What are you laughing at?"The other guy explained: "Well, you have three other tires, each of which has four nuts... If you were to take one nut from each, you'll end up with four tires being held in place with three nuts per tire. This should be safe enough for you to drive to the next town over, where you can buy a new set of nuts."Embarrassed, the poor car driver couldn't help asking, "How come you're so more...