Flat Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy was sitting in a bar, drinking away. Suddenly he says to the bartender, "I have to go home or the wife will be mad".
(at this point he was loaded drunk)
He climbed down from the bar stool, and fell flat on his face. The man then said "I can't walk and I didn't have that much to drink?".
He gets up to give it another try, this time the same thing happens and he falls flat to his face. He says "I have to get home some way or the wife will kill me if I don't get home soon"!
He gets an idea of crawling home, so away he went crawling home. He crawled up to his apartment and slowely snuck into bed with his wife trying not to wake her.
The next morning he woke up to see his wife running in the room. She said "you were out drinking again last night weren't you!"
The man replied with "NO WAY!"
And the wife said "YOU LIAR!
The bartender just called and said you left your wheelchair at the club again more...
A guy was sitting in a bar, drinking away. Suddenly he says to the bartender, "I have to go home or the wife will be mad".(at this point he was loaded drunk)He climbed down from the bar stool, and fell flat on his face. The man then said "I can't walk and I didn't have that much to drink?".He gets up to give it another try, this time the same thing happens and he falls flat to his face. He says "I have to get home some way or the wife will kill me if I don't get home soon"! He gets an idea of crawling home, so away he went crawling home. He crawled up to his apartment and slowely snuck into bed with his wife trying not to wake her.The next morning he woke up to see his wife running in the room. She said "you were out drinking again last night weren't you!"The man replied with "NO WAY!"And the wife said "YOU LIAR! The bartender just called and said you left your wheelchair at the club again last night"!
Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse? A: They are always longing for another stop.Q: Why are a organist's fingers like lightning? A: Because they rarely strike the same place twice.Q: What do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat miner.Q: What do you get if you drop an organ on an army base? A: A flat major.Q: Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio upright? A: It makes a louder noise, when you drop it off a cliff.Q: Why was the organ invented? A: So the musician would have a place to put his beer.Q: What does a German Hammond organist do in his life's most tender moments? A: He puts his Leslie on "slow".The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you more...
Even a two button mouse gives him too many options.
Evidence for the theory of a missing link.
Failed the Turing test.
Fell out of the family tree.
Fifty-one cards short of a full deck.
Fighting the war with a starter pistol / water pistol / pop gun / cap gun.
Finds a flat by swapping tires.
Finds canonical humor collections amusing.
Finds Sesame Street / knock-knock jokes challenging.
Fired from McDonald's for having a short attention span.
Fired her retro-rockets a little late.
Flaky.
Flat out like a lizard drinking.
Flying/landing on one engine.
Focused like a 12 gauge shotgun.
How do you get an oboist to play A flat?
Take the batteries out of his electric tuner.