Flights Jokes / Recent Jokes

For thirty years, Smith had arrived at work at 9 A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Smith's arrival, it caused a sensation.
All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at Ten, Smaith showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent.
He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."
And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"

PASSENGER
A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called a "line." This "line" has no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are of four known species: Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus ignoramus.
PRE-BOARD
Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before departure.
VOLUNTARY OVERSALE
A passenger who arrives at the gate as the jetway is coming off the flight.
NO-RECORD
Any passenger booked through a travel agency.
NON-REVENUE POSITION
Usually can be identified by the fact that these passengers are in first class and are dressed in pilot or flight attendant uniforms. Non-revenue position are permitted to fly first class free of charge to prevent revenue passengers from being able to pay more...

On Sunday, a nor’easter pounded the east coast and cause of the inclement weather conditions over 400 flights were grounded.

As a result JetBlue flights were canceled as scheduled.

From the Sydney Morning Herald

An employee for Ansett Australia, who happened to have the surname GAY, got on a plane recently using one of his company's "Free Flight" programs. However, when Mr. Gay tried to take his seat, he found it being occupied by a paying passenger. So, not to make a fuss, he simply chose another seat.

Unknown to Mr. Gay, another Ansett Australia flight at the airport
experienced mechanical problems. The passengers of this other flight were being rerouted to various other flights. A few were put on Mr. Gay's flight and anyone who was holding a "free" ticket was being "bumped".

Ansett officials, armed with a list of these "freebee" ticket holders, boarded the plane to remove the free ticket holders. Of course, our Mr. Gay was not sitting in his assigned seat as you may remember. So when the Ticket Agent approached the seat where Mr. Gay was supposed to be sitting she asked a startled more...

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A. M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A. M. passed without Johnson`s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself." And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"

Case Report: Unique Case of Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer's
Syndrome Source: North Pole Journal of Medicine, vol 1 no.1, December 1993
Author: Dr. Iman Elf, M.D.
On January 2, 1993, Mr. C, an obese, white caucasian male, who appeared approximately 65 years old, but who could not accurately state his age, presented to my family practice office with complaints of generalized aches and pains, sore red eyes, depression, and general malaise. The patient's face was erythematic, and he was in mild respiratory distress, although his demeanor was jolly. He attributed these symptoms to being "not as young as I used to be, HO! HO! HO!", but thought he should have them checked out.
The patient's occupation is delivering presents once a year, on December 25th, to many people worldwide. He flies in a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer, and gains access to homes via chimneys. He has performed this work for as long as he can remember.
Upon examination and more...

During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro pens didn`t work under zero gravity conditions. To beat the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work under zero gravity conditions due to the pressurized ink inside, it would work under sub zero conditions, underwater, on glass and virtually any surface known to man. The Russians used a pencil.