Flush Jokes / Recent Jokes

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his lists and says "Ah; you're an engineer - you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon the engineer gets dissatisfied with the dismal level of comfort in hell so he begins designing some improvements. He uses the fires of hell to generate electricity. He uses the electricity to manufacture things.
After a while they've got air conditioning and manufacturing plants. There he makes flush toilets and escalators. He wires hell with phones.
Needless to say the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer "So how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies "Hey things are going great! Couldn't be better. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators and there's no telling what the engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies more...

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having more...

Now that Bill Gates is moving into his new house the following is a conversation heard last week.
Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss."
Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?"
Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think its a little smaller than we anticipated."
Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date."
Bill: "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there."
Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use a Stacker."
Bill: "Stacker?"
Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch... the chairs on the table... etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you want to use some more...

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"
The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a restaurant. Upon arriving, he ordered a drink and got a mug placed between his hands.
He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of drinks, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.
The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

There is no such thing as child-proofing your houseIf you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can igniteA 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurantIf you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strongenough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and asuperman capeIt is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a20 by 20 foot roomBaseballs make marks on ceilings. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up afew times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hitby a ceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's alreadytoo late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36year old man says more...

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter checks his dossier and says, "You`re an engineer, you`re in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the Gates of Hell and is welcomed. Soon, the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell; he begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says with a sneer, "So, how are things in Hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We`ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And, there`s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
"What! You ve got an engineer? That`s a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell... send him to me."
"Not a chance! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I`m keeping him!"
God more...

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer. .. you're in the wrong place." So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators; the engineer soon becomes a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer: "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies: "Hey, things are going great! We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators! And there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next!"
God exclaims: "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake! He should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan, standing his ground, challenges: "No way. I like having more...