Flush Jokes / Recent Jokes

A naive fellow boarded an ocean liner for a fancy cruise and was amazed at the grand scale of shipboard life. The ballroom was the size of a ball field, the couches seated ten couples, the banquet tables stretched for what seemed like miles. After a considerable amount to eat and drink, he asked the steward directions to the men's room, but got lost en route and fell into the Olympic size pool. Splashing frantically toward the ladder, he screamed in a panic, "Don't flush! Don't flush!"

1. Try to use your dorm key to unlock your bedroom door.
2. Have your mom scan your ID card for meals.
3. Look for a tray to carry your dinner to the table with.
4. Walk two blocks to go to dinner.
5. Forget to dial the first three digits of your friend`s phone number.
6. Dial 9 when calling out of your house.
7. Use your calling card when calling your friends.
8. Walk to the post office to get your mail.
9. Yell "FLUSH!"
10. Jump out of the shower just in case someone does flush.
11. Try to latch the bathroom door because you think you`re in a stall.
12. Take all your shower items to and from your room.
13. Get dressed in the dark.
14. Go nuts looking for the quarter slots on the washing machine.
15. Make junk food runs at 11: 30 at night.
16. Make popcorn just because you miss the smell.
17. Order pizza every Friday night.
18. Have one of your friends spend the night because you can`t more...

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way." I like having more...

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in.
The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, whereupon she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it. The angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged..."What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She performs a rude act of hygiene and she gets in. Would you explain that to more...

I read in UPI that America's biggest plumbing maker is marketing a product that could save countless marriages. It's called the "Peacekeeper" - a toilet that won't flush unless the seat is down.
"We saw it as an opportunity to solve a few disputes in the home," said Nancy Deptolla, spokeswoman for Kohler Co. of Kohler, Wis.
"The women say, 'Where've you been.' Men laugh and say, 'My wife would appreciate that,'" said Carol Erwin, media director for Kohler.

On A Visit To Texas, A Blind Man Sitting On The Train From Airport."Wow," He Exclaims, "These Seats Are Big!" The Man Sitting
Next To Him Answers, "Everything Is Big In Texas." Arriving At His Hotel, The Blind Man Goes To The Bar And Orders A Beer.
Feeling The Huge Glass In His Hands, He Says, "Wow, These Drinks Are Big!" "Everything Is Big In Texas," Says The Barman. The
Blind Man Then Asks Where The Lavatory Is, But Takes A Wrong Turning, Trips Up And Falls Onto The Hotel Swimming Pool. Scared
To Death, He Shouts Outs, "Don't Flush! Don't Flush!

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and more...