Folks Jokes / Recent Jokes
There are a lot of folks that can't understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA. Well, here's the answer: It's simple.........nobody bothered to check the oil. Didn't know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical. Most of the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma, and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.
My Christmas Emails
I have a list of folks I know
all written my computer data base.
And every year at Christmas time,
I go and take a look at my data base.
And that is when I realize
that these names are a part....
Not in the data base they are written in
but of my very heart.
For I am but a total
of the many folks I've met,
And you happen to be one of those
I prefer not to forget.
And whether I have known you
for many years or a few hours
In some way you have had a part
of shaping things I do.
So never think my Christmas Emails
are just a mere routine
of names put on a computer list
and forgotten in between.
For when I send a Christmas Email
that is addressed to you...
It is because you're on that list of folks
that I'm indebted to.
"Anyway, I`m so thankful, and so gracious - I`m gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well." -George W. Bush, June 4, 2001 "It`s important for young men and women who look at the Nebraska champs to understand that quality of life is more than just blocking shots." -George W. Bush, in remarks to the University of Nebraska women`s volleyball team, the 2001 national champions, May 31, 2001 "So on behalf of a well-oiled unit of people who came together to serve something greater than themselves, congratulations." -George W. Bush, in remarks to the University of Nebraska women`s volleyball team, the 2001 national champions, May 31, 2001 "If a person doesn`t have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all." -George W. Bush, May 22, 2001"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It`s more...
A crowded United flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry man pushed his way to the desk, slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on the flight & it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent, a nice little girl replied, "I'm sorry sir, I'll be happy to help you but I've got to help these folks first, then I'm sure, I'll be able to work something out for you".
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled & grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing through out the terminal, "We have a passenger here at gate number 3, WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone of you can help him to identify himself, please come to the gate, thank you."
With the folks in more...
It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to
get any real work done.
In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information
considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think
that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for
fun most of the time.
Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would
just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this
interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard
to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.
If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread
viruses.
It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much,
you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
We attach an importance to more...
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..." Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. .. it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight more...