Folks Jokes / Recent Jokes
An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice.
They didn't get up to leave until the theater was ready to close for the night.
' You folks must've enjoyed the show,' the usher says.
' Disgusting,' says the old lady.
' It was revolting,' her husband adds.
' Then why did you sit through it twice?' the usher asks.
' We had to wait until you turned up the house lights,' the old lady replies.
' We couldn't find my panties, and his teeth were in them!'
During a busy Pre-Christmas day atSydney airport, a crowded flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long lineof inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. Heslapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and ithas to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir.I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm surewe'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. HeSCREAMED, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have ANY idea who Iam?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public addressmicrophone. "May I have your attentionplease?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. We have a passengerhere at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17." With the folks behind him in line laughing more...
Colleague swears these are true, happened on flights he was on...
Cabin attendant - Good morning, as we leave Dallas. Its warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where its dark, windy and raining, and why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know.
Pilot - Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... its a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.
Pilot - Folks, if you were with us last week, we never got around to mentioning that it was National Procrastination day. If you get a chance this week, please try to celebrate it. If you can't get to it, then maybe try to do it at the weekend, but no big rush. Have a nice day.
The more people use it the bigger it gets. If you play with it too much you can go blind. You wouldn't believe the things people put in there! Some people think they know how to move around in it, but they really can't interface. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to receive information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks
today use it for fun most of the time. It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before. It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's
too late. If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses. It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more...
WORLD FAMOUS SOUTHERN TALK
BECOME A NATIVE SOUTHERNER
How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson
Aig - What a hen lays
Aints - He's got aints in his paints
Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a mornin
Arn - Ma's tard of arnin
Bag - He bagged her to marry him
Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence
Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won.
Bub - the light bub burned out
Cheer - What you set in
Crick - A small stream
Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any' coon
Chiny - country over in Asia
Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes
Core - He got hisself a new Ford core
Cyow - Animal on Farm
Deppity - He helps out the shurf
Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt
Dainz - Satidy night social
Ellum - A graceful tree
Fanger - What you put your rang more...
WHY E-MAIL IS LIKE A PENIS
Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong. Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.
It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this more...
WHY E-MAIL IS LIKE A PENISSome folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong. Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others more...