Followed Jokes / Recent Jokes

Extracted from US news papers:
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Sherri Lynn Rossi was hit in the head more than 20 times with a blunt object and left covered in
blood and in a coma on the side of a road, according to doctors in Pittsburgh in June. When she came
out of the coma, she identified her attacker as her husband, Richard A. Rossi Jr., pastor of the
local, independent, charismatic First Love Church. Richard Rossi denied the charge, insisting that
the hijacker must have been a man who looked like him and had a car like his, and that it was "very
possible, oh, yes" that his wife's attacker was Satan in human form. In October, Sherri Lynn Rossi
abruptly withdrew her accusation, and concurred that her attacker might have been a demon in human
form.
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New York city police arrested the city's most notorious traffic scofflaw, Leroy Linen, 41, in
November. He had inadvertently given them his real name more...

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows!)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want more...

In a small town there existed a jokes club. They met once a week and told each
other jokes. It turned out that the same jokes were repeated on and on. In order
to be able to tell more jokes in an evening the club decided to give a number to
each joke. The members had to learn the numbers and so they only had to tell the
number of the joke.
One day a visitor was invited to join a session.
Somebody shouted, "94!" Twenty seconds of laughter followed.
"123!" Ten seconds of laughter.
"74!" Twelve seconds of laughter.
And so on it went all the evening. The visitor was somehow puzzled. At some
point he decided also to shout a number, "365!" There followed more than five
minutes of laughter. The visitor was even more puzzled.
After the audience came back to silence, he asked the man next to him, "Why were
you laughing such a long time?"
The man answered, "It was the first time we more...

a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all go hunting.
The brunette comes back with a deer.
her father asks "How did you get that deer?"
the brunette replies "I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and I got the deer."
Next, the redhead comes back with a moose.
her father asks "how did you get that moose!"
the redhead replies "I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and I got the moose."
Last, the blonde comes crawling home....all beaten up and brused and a few broken arms and legs.
The dad asks "WHAT IN THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOU!"
the blonde replies "I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and I got hit by a train."

A woman walked out of a coffee shop just in time to see a very strange sight.
Moving slowly down the street was a funeral procession which consisted of a hearse followed by another hearse, followed by a woman walking a dog, followed by 200 women in a long line.
The procession was moving slowly and her curiosity got the best of her.So she walked up to the woman with the dog.
I hope you don't mind me asking, who is in the first hearse?
That's my husband. He was attacked by our dog and killed.
Well, who is in the second hearse?
That's my mother in law. She tried to save him and was killed by the dog too.
Is this the dog, she asked?
"Yes" said the widow.
The first woman thought about it for a minute and then asked. "Can I borrow your dog?"
Sure, said the widow,"get in the line".

The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992`s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had mobile ballistic missile launchers, electronic jamming vehicles, and throughout the entire time the formations were overflown by squadrons of the most advanced interceptors, fighters, and long-range tactical and strategic bombers.

Clinton, who had never been this close to war in his life, was suitably impressed. Then he noticed that, way back at the end of the parade, there was a disorganized, messy bunch of men in rumpled suits tagging along behind the last artillery pieces. "Who are they?" he asked.

"Ah," said Yeltsin, "those are our economists!"

"But I thought this parade was more...

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor
malady.
For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both
staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every
order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a
private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the
light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities
interfered with his rest... and on, and on.
One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time to take your temperature,
General."
After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the
thermometer.
"Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other
end."
A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent
that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last
rolled over, bared more...