Food Jokes / Recent Jokes

You know that Camp doesnt mean a cabin in the woods. The men in your family were gardeners, farmers or produce workers. The women in your family were seamstresses, domestic workers or farm laborers. Your Issei grandparents had an arranged marriage. One of your relatives was a "picture bride." You have Nisei relatives named Tak, Tad, George, Harry or Shig. You have Nisei relatives named Keiko, Aiko, Sumi or Mary. Youre Sansei and your name is Janice, Glen, Brian, Bill or Kenji. Youre thinking of naming your Yonsei child, Brittany, Jenny, Lauren, Garett or Brett, with a Japanese middle name. All of your cousins are having hapa kids. You have relatives who live in Hawaii. You belong to a Japanese credit union Wherever you live now, you always come home to the Obon festival. The bushes in your front yard are trimmed into balls. You have a kaki tree in the backyard. You have at least one bag of sembei in the house at all times. You have a Japanese doll in a glass case in your more...

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and no part of one's personal fuel.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories - the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
9. more...

Chevrolet Nova didn't do well in Spanish speaking countries... Nova means 'No Go'...
Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with the name 'Pavian' to suggest French chic... but 'Pavian' means 'baboon' in German.
A peanut-packed chocolate bar targeted at Japanese teenagers needing energy while cramming for exams ran headlong into a belief that eating peanuts and chocolate causes nosebleeds.
Parker Pens translated the slogan for its ink, "Avoid Embarassment - Use Quink" into Spanish as "Evite Embarazos - Use Quink"... which also means "Avoid Pregnancy - Use Quink."
When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the USA - the cute baby on the label. Later, when investigating lower than expected sales figures, they found out that it is common practice in Africa to put pictures of the contents on food package labels.
Coors slogan, "Turn it Loose," translated into Spanish as "Suffer From more...

The word "racecar", "kayak", and "radar" are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

"a man a plan a canal panama" spelled backwards is still "a man a plan a canal panama"

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

"Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food FROM freezing.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming more...

The other day, it was my turn to prepare dinner, so I asked my wife to go over to the local market and buy some organic vegetables.She came back rather upset. When I asked her what was wrong, she said, "I don't think I like that produce guy. I went and looked
around for your organic vegetables and I couldn't find any. So I asked him where the organic vegetables were.""He didn't know what I was talking about, so I said,' These vegetables are for my husband. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'""And he said,' No, ma'am. You'll have to do that yourself.'"

Flo: Try some of my sponge cake. Joe: Its a bit tough. Flo: Thats strange. I only bought the sponge from the chemist this morning.

Part 9 - (The Future of Real Programmers) - the final part
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What of future? It is a matter of some concern to Real Programmers that the latest generation of
computer programmers are not being brought up with the same outlook on life as their elders. Many of
them have never seen a computer with a front panel. Hardly anyone graduating from school these days
can do hex arithmetic without a calculator. College graduates these days are soft - protected from the
realities of programming by source level debuggers, text editors that count parentheses, and "user friendly"
opearing systems. Worst of all, some of these alleged "computer scientists" manage to get degrees without
ever learning FORTRAN! Are we destined to become an industry of Unix hackers and PASCAL
programmers?
From my experience, I can only report that the furure is bright for Real Programmers everywhere. more...