Football Jokes / Recent Jokes
Arena Football has shut down. So if you still have a hankering for second rate football, you'll have to watch the Lions.
If men ruled the world:
Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."
Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse more...
Former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has reportedly agreed to a plea bargain deal that would get him out of jail early. When asked about it, Vick said, “Hey, every dog has his day.”
Famous Sports Quotes.
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye."
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it more...
If Men TRULY Ruled the World!...Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the behind and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history! The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".Tanks would be far easier to rent.Two words..."Ally McNaked".Birth control would come in ale or lager.Garbage would take itself out.The funniest guy in the office would get to be more...
A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game. In the beggining of the game the teams flipped a quarter to see who would get the ball first. One of the teams got the ball. The game ended. The guy asked his blonde girlfriend if she liked the game. She replied with a yes and then said they were yelling get the quarterback the whole game though, I cant beleive what would have happened if it had been a dollar!
These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye."New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up more...