Foreplay Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do you call foreplay in Alabama?' Hey sis, you awake?'

WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE by Matt Groening RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3: 00 a. m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, and 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need. SEX: Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay. MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most more...

Dear Mr. Abby:Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should-he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.

Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time.

Woman, "Slow down, foreplay is an art." Man, "Well, if you don't get your canvas arranged soon, I'm going to spill my paint!"

After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."

40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN.....

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel
like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head
from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get
their hand on a pair. Stroke, more...