Forget Jokes / Recent Jokes
As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night.You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me.Finally I went to sleep. Today when I woke up, you were gone. I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events.My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishings, making it harder to forget you.Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you... you !@#$ mosquito!
30 things people actually said in court
Question
1. Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Question
2. Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.
Question
3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?
Question
4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: 45 years
Question
5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A My name is Susan.
Question
6. Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximatly milepost
499. Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost more...
30 things people actually said in court
Question
1. Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Question
2. Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.
Question
3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?
Question
4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: 45 years
Question
5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A My name is Susan.
Question
6. Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximatly milepost
499. Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost more...
30 things people actually said in courtQuestion1. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th Q: What year? A: Every year.Question2. Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact? A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.Question3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten? Question4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: 45 yearsQuestion5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A My name is Susan.Question6. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximatly milepost499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and500.Question7. Q: Sir, What is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.Question8. Q: Did more...
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Insanity is my only means of relaxation. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them. My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely. Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts. Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it "Closed for remodeling." **Caution - Leave air holes. I finally got my more...
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people is mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. Corollary: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. TJ's Law: You can't fall off the floor. The average woman would rather have more...
[This is YET ANOTHER one]
Yes, now women too can enjoy special "just for her" seminars taught by our
all-male faculty.
SEMINARS FOR WOMEN
"Are you ready to leave?"-Definition of the word "yes"
Appropriate rhetorical questions (Formerly "Honey, do I look fat?")
Elementary Map Reading
Crying and law enforcement
Advanced Math Seminar-Program your VCR
You can go shopping for less then 4 hours
Gaining five pounds v. the end of the world: a study in contrast
The Seven-Outfit Week
PMS-It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine (was: It's Happened Monthly
Since Puberty-Deal With It)
Driving I: Getting past automatic transmission
Driving II: The meaning of blinking red lights
Driving III: Approximating a constant speed
Driving IV: Makeup and Driving-It's As Simple As Oil and Water
The Super Bowl: Not a Game-A Sacrament
Telephone Translations (was: "Me too" equals "I Love more...