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In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.

And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."

And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. Then God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.

And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."

And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." So God created Man in His own image; male and female created He them.

And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.

And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman more...

God Meets BureaucracyIn the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was facedwith a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impactstatement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but wasstymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing atthe hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the firstplace. He replied that he just liked to be creative. Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded toknow how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What aboutthermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ballof fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assumingthat no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would obtain abuilding permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light out half thetime. God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness"Night." Officials replied that more...

AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...

FOR ALL YOU HEALTH CONSCIOUS PEOPLE

In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, combined with an abundance of green, yellow and red vegetables. He did this that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Whip and Kapiti Ice Cream.

And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?"

And Man said "Yes!"

And Woman said: "I'll have one too. . . with sprinkles."

And lo, 10 pounds was gained unto them.

And so God created healthful yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane, and combined them.

And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.

So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad."

And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on more...

In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth...
He was then faced with a class action lawsuit for failing to file an
environmental impact statement from HEPA (Heavenly Environmental
Protection Agency), an angelically staffed agency dedicated to keeping
the universe pollution free.
God was granted a temporary permit for the heavenly portion of the
project, but was issued a cease and desist order on the Earthly
portion of the project, pending further investigation by HEPA. Upon
completion of His construction permit and environmental impact
statement, God appeared before HEPA council to answer some questions.
When asked why He began these projects in the first place, He simply
replied that He liked to be creative. This was not considered an
adequate reason and He was required to substantiate this further.
HEPA was unable to see any practical use for Earth anyway, since "The
Earth was void and empty and darkness was on the more...

It's time to tell the truth about Smurfs.
You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times.
"But," people ask, "do Smurfs have..... you know,...... *sex*?"
The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES!
And why shouldn't they? They're people, too.
What *most* people don't know is why Smurfs are blue. Well, the reason is because Smurfs only have sex once a year.
Face it: if you had sex only once a year, you'd be blue, too.
Once a year, in the Smurf village, flags and banners fly happily in the breeze, proclaiming that the day of the annual Smuckfest has arrived. Birds sing and the Sun comes out to watch, despite the weatherSmurf's direst predictions.
I guess good ol' Mr. Sun is a voyeur.
In the middle of town, Papa Smurf gives a brief speech explaining the origin of the Smuckfest; how Dr. C. Everett Koop came to the village more...