Officials Jokes

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
Quickly, God was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. God was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part.
Then God said, "Let there be light!" Immediately, the officials demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a large ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, and that he would obtain a building permit and to conserve energy, He would have the light out half the time.
God agreed, and offered to call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night". The officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.
God said, "Let the earth put forth vegetation, plant yielding seed, more...

OFFICE MEMO
Date: 1/18/96
SPINDLER CALLS IN AIR STRIKE, DESTROYS APPLE TO SAVE IT
Stock Price Increases 50%
“We’ll do it better, ” Says Microsoft
CUPERTINO, Calif. JANUARY 18, 1996
The massive pile of smoking rubble near Interstate 280 here in Cupertino was not the result of an earthquake or natural gas explosion, as officials first believed.
It now appears that the terrific explosion and fire at Apple Computer headquarters was the result of the first corporate-initiated airstrike on U. S. or California soil in U. S. history.
Sources within Apple have told newspapers that, in an effort to save Apple from an internal coup that would result in the breakup and sale of the company, embattled Apple CEO Michael Spindler called in elements of the California Air National Guard, based at Moffet Federal Air Station in Mountain View, Calif. to bomb and strafe his own headquarters.
Spindler allegedly called the California Air National Guard late more...

China blames U. S. for second mid-air collision! Beijing (Reuters) - Chinese officials have stated they are holding the United States,? Fully responsible" for today? s mid air collision, involving several Chinese aircraft and one American aircraft. This comes just weeks after a similar incident involving a U. S. spy plane. Officials have stated that at approximately 8: 46am, GMT, a squadron of F-8 fighters collided with the American Goodyear Blimp. The crash left over a dozen Chinese fighters downed and the blimps electronic billboard damaged. A Chinese pilot who witnessed the collision involving his squadron, nicknamed "Panda Rash", told China's news agency that he saw the American blimp dive out of the clouds and onto wingman Thee Sum Yun Dork's f-8 jet. "I told Thee Dork his tail was all broken. Keep it straight. Keep it straight." said the pilot "He could not shake the American foreign-devil" The blimp reportedly then veered left then right, more...

God Meets BureaucracyIn the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was facedwith a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impactstatement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but wasstymied with the Cease and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing atthe hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the firstplace. He replied that he just liked to be creative.Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded toknow how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What aboutthermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ballof fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assumingthat no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would obtain abuilding permit, and (to conserve energy) would have the light out half thetime. God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness"Night." Officials replied that more...

OFFICE MEMO
Date: 1/18/96
SPINDLER CALLS IN AIR STRIKE, DESTROYS APPLE TO SAVE IT
Stock Price Increases 50%
"We'll do it better," Says Microsoft
CUPERTINO, Calif. JANUARY 18, 1996
The massive pile of smoking rubble near Interstate 280 here in Cupertino was not the result of an earthquake or natural gas explosion, as officials first believed.
It now appears that the terrific explosion and fire at Apple Computer headquarters was the result of the first corporate-initiated airstrike on U. S. or California soil in U. S. history.
Sources within Apple have told newspapers that, in an effort to save Apple from an internal coup that would result in the breakup and sale of the company, embattled Apple CEO Michael Spindler called in elements of the California Air National Guard, based at Moffet Federal Air Station in Mountain View, Calif. to bomb and strafe his own headquarters.
Spindler allegedly called the California Air National Guard more...