Fortune Jokes / Recent Jokes
Chiefly the mold of a man's fortune is in his own hands. Francis Bacon
The Top 10 Least Desirable Fortunes in a Fortune Cookie: Everyone's meal today is on you! The' special sauce' came from the floor! Guess what our special' drop' was in our Egg Drop Soup and win a free meal!! Your colon will self destruct in five seconds. A recent prison escapee that is sitting near by wants to love you long time. Your dog Sparky... he's no longer missing. See the waiter about our new food poison life insurance policies. We know where you live. You will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes. MSG? NO!! Ebola Virus.... maybe
The Top 10 Least Desirable Fortunes in a Fortune Cookie We know where you live. You will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes. Everyone's meal today is on you! The "special sauce" came from the floor! Guess what our special "drop" was in our Egg Drop Soup and win a free meal! Your colon will self destruct in five seconds. A recent prison escapee that is sitting near by wants to love you long time. Your dog Sparky...he's no longer missing. See the waiter about our new food poison life insurance policies. MSG? NO! Ebola Virus....maybe
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi... where did I go wrong?" "Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he comes and tells me he has decided to become a Christian." "What did you do?" asked the lawyer. "I turned to God for the answer," replied the rabbi." And what did he say?" He said, "Funny you should come to me..."
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too!"
8. "What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?" 7. "Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops." 6. "Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt." 5. "Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan." 4. "Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids." 3. "Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application." 2. "Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck." 1. "Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup."
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin."Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover.""Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too!"