Fountain Jokes / Recent Jokes

Told to me by my mother, who owned a pharmacy in Tennessee, in 1950.
A fellow with a bad cough comes in to the pharmacy, walks up to
the counter and asks for the pharmacist. A young clerk tells him
that the pharmacist is not available. The man asks the young
clerk if he can recommend anything for his cough.
The clerk gives him a bottle of some medicine for his cough.
The customer takes a big swig, then after a few minutes, with
no apparent relief, he takes another, and another.
In a short while, the pharmacist returns, and sees his old friend,
the customer with the cough, sitting quietly in a booth
near the soda fountain. He says to his clerk that the fellow
has never before stopped at the soda fountain.
The clerk proudly tells the pharmacist the story of his transaction.
The pharmacist looks at the recommended medication and angrily
reprimands the clerk for recommending a laxative, instead of cough syrup.
The clerk reminds more...

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge... Others just gargle.

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

One Sunday morning a minister and a choirboy were getting the church ready for mass. The minister prepared his sermon while the choirboy filled the holy water fountain.Suddenly, the choirboy burst into the minister's room and yelled, "father father, I just saw the most amazing thing! I filled the holy water fountain. Then a man came in on crutches. He moved to the fountain, dipped his left hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his left crutch. Then he dipped his right hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his right crutch. Then he turned to me... and he took a step forward"! The minister was awe struck by what he just heard. "My boy, he said, you just witnessed a miracle from God! Where's this man now?"The Choirboy replies..."flat on his face in front of the holy water fountain"!

David Copperfield, magician and Charles Dicken's ripoff, has claimed to have found the Fountain of Youth...on his $300,000 a week resort in the Bahamas. Copperfield says that he has found a spring on his island that has magical properities, including rejuvenating plants that are withered and dying. Who knew that by giving water to plants that were withered and dying would bring them back to life. Take that cactus.
Although, Copperfield has yet to allow any guest sample the water, many are anxious to see if this spring does indeed have magical powers. Perhaps, this is the same magical potion he used to get Claudia Schiffer to fuck him.

One morning, two 80-year-old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science, and such, when one brings up the latest male medical miracle, Viagra. The other elderly man wasn't familiar with Viagra and asked the first man what it was for.
The first man said, "It's the greatest thing I've ever known. The Fountain of Youth! Makes you feel like a man of thirty."
The second man then asked, "Can you get it over the counter?"
"You probably could, if you took two pills," replied the first man.

A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first act intermission, he had to urinate in the worst way.
He hurried to the back of the theatre and searched in vain for the men's room.
At last he came upon a fountain surrounded by pretty foliage. He realized that he had wandered backstage. Noting that no one was around, and in desperatation, he opened his pants and pissed into the fountain.
He had difficulty finding his way back to the auditorium, and by the time he sat down next to his wife, the curtain was up and the actors were moving about on the stage.
"Did I miss much of he second act?" he whispered.
"Miss it?" she said, "You were in it."