Francis Jokes / Recent Jokes
this Irishman walks into a bar and he notices down at the end of the bar, threes a guy that looks identical to himself. he walks up to the man and says, my gosh man, we look a like. the Irishman at the bar said, your right my man, we sure do. the other Irishman said, i just moved here from Ireland a month ago. the other Irishman said, that is amazing, i just moved here from Ireland a month ago. the other Irishman said, well tell me chap, what city in Ireland are you from? Dublin, replied the other Irishman. the other Irishman said, i can not believe this, IM also from Dublin the other Irishman said, well what school did you go to in Dublin? St. Francis my friend, replied the other Irishman. the other Irishman said, i can not believe this, i also went to St. Francis, my gosh we both came here from Ireland, from the same city, the same school, this is really amazing. about that time this other guy comes in and sits down at the bar and says to the bartender, whets up Sam? the bartender more...
The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So.... he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the associate pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! Saint Peter was more...
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only knowhow to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have somefun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why youare embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrotswhom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them inthe cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrotsto praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop sayingthat...that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the womanresponded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest'shouse. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots wereinside their cage, more...
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say,' Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."
He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that... that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's more...
deer santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa
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Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa
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Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass more...
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices
a sign out of the corner of his eye... It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without
a second thought... Soon he sees another sign, which says:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for
real... Then he drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the
drive... On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a
small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested more...
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only knowhow to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say,' Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have somefun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why youare embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrotswhom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them inthe cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrotsto praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop sayingthat... that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the womanresponded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest'shouse. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots wereinside their more...