Fred Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fred's convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.
"I suppose," said his pretty but reluctant date, "you're going to pull the old' out of gas' routine."
"No," said Fred, "I'm going to pull the' here after' routine."
"The' here after' routine-----what's that?", she wanted to know.
"If you're not here after what I'm here after, you'll be here after I'm gone."

Conversation at the club had turned to sex and the techniques thereof.

"But should I talk to my wife while making love?" asked newlywed Fred.

"Certainly," counseled an older member, "if you happen to be near a phone."

Fred: I met a really conceited actor the other day. Harry: Why do you say he's conceited? Fred: Well, every time there was a thunderclap during the storm, he went to the window and took a bow.

There was an old man named Bill and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. His wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game. But one day he came home from their weekly game looking unhappy and very tired. His wife asked, "What's the matter Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable." Bill said, "Well, something terrible did happen. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole." "My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him, "that must've been terrible!" "It was," he said, "all day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball and then hit it again..."

Fred: Did you hear about the Irish window cleaner who put a sign at the top of his ladder? Harry: What did the sign say? Fred: Stop.

Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."

Ed and Fred were flying along when the two idiots crash-landed on a desert island." What should we do?", said Ed." Hmmm, let's think.", replied Fred. Ed shook his head, "No, let's do something you can do too!"