Fred Jokes / Recent Jokes

Background: Bobby Cox is manager of the Atlanta Braves baseball team. They've won the National League title two in a row and have another good team this year. They've had some trouble scoring, so about a month ago they traded with the San Diego team for Fred McGriff who has won a couple of battling titles. It is a understatement to say that McGriff has improved Atlanta's offense. Atlanta is visiting San Francisco this week to play the Division leading Gaints.
Yesterday, a SF reporter teased Bobby Cox when asking him, "If a car containing your wife and Fred McGriff started toppling over a thousand foot clift, and you had the chance of saving just one of them, which would you choose?"
To which Cox is said to have answered: "My wife couldn't hit the side of a barn door!" :)

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituaryfor her recently deceased husband is published. After the editorinforms her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, shepauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read' Fred Browndied'." Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts onher fingers and replies, "In that case,' Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-upfor sale'."

When Fred was applying for a credit card, the manager of the credit card company asked him if he had much money in the bank. "I have," said Fred. "How much?" asked the manager. "I dont know exactly," said Fred, "I havent shaken it lately."

Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!

Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please? Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia? Pupil: Fred did!

A man named Fred owned a parrot that hardly ever stoped talking. One day the man was going to have an old friend over so he told the parrot to be quiet or else he would flush him. The parrot kept talking and the man warned him again. It didn't work. The parrot kept right on talking. The man took the parrot and flushed him down the toilet. When Fred's friend arived he asked if he could use the bathroom. Fred said sure it is the first door on the right. When the man comes out he asks Fred if he has a tape player in the bathroom. Fred says no and than asks why. The man tells Fred that he heard something say "I see your heini, looks so shiny." So Fred and his friend go in there and Fred sees his parrot going in circles singing "Floatin' Down The River On A Big Brown Log"

WARNING! POOR FRED IS DEAD. DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE COME TOMOURN HIS PASSING. A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor. "Is Fred home?" he asked the woman who answered the door. "Sorry," the woman replied. "Fred's gone for cotton." The next day the collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?" "No, sir," she said, "I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton." When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?" "No," the woman answered solemnly, "Fred died yesterday." Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with this inscription: "Gone, But Not for Cotton. "RIP, Fred.