Fred Jokes / Recent Jokes

The teacher was reviewing counting with her first-grade class. "Jackie," she asked, "can you count to 10 without mistakes?""Yes," said Jackie, and she did."Now, Fred," said the teacher, "can you count from 10 to 20?""That depends," said Fred, "with or without mistakes"!

Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth? Fred: I dont know, Sir. Teacher: Come on, Fred, it has something to do with an apple. Fred: Granny Smith?

Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper and Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred died. He said,' 'You know, Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all.'' He opened the note, and read,' 'Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube!''

Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? Fred: None! Fred (surprised): Why not? Fred: Because you cant lay eggs!

A married couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The womanâ??s biggest fear was there was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go and true to his word, he made contact with his wife.
â??Mary...Mary....â??
â??Is that you Fred?â??
â??Yes, I have come back like we agreed.â??
â??What is it like?â??
â??Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, I have sex, I bask in the sun, then I have sex-twice. I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon. Supper, then sex till late at night. Sleep then start all over again.â??
â??Oh, Fred, you surely must be in heaven!â??
â??No, Mary, Iâ??m a rabbit in Kansas.â??

Knock KnockWhos there! A Fred! A Fred who? Whos a Fred of the Big Bad Wolf?

Fred and his brother, "Donkey" walk into a pub and Fred gets the first pint in and says, "I'll have a pint for me and a pint for Donkey."
The two guys drink their pints and Fred says, "Right donkey your round; I'll have a pint of Guiness."
Donkey walks up to the bar and says, "2 p p p p pints of g g g g Guiness p p p please."
While donkey gets the pints, Fred goes to the toilet and the barman says, "Say, you shouldn't let him call you that stupid nickname."
Donkey replies, "I know. He aw.. he aww... he awwwwww, he always calls me 'Donkey.'"