Frequently Jokes

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139.95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your more...

Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out?
A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers.
Q. What happens if I press both shift keys?
A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $
139.
95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuation
A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with more...

Strange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below “things to do while driving”, as all driving should be taken seriously. The below “things to do while driving” are simply here for entertainment purposes.

Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.
Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.

At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.

Two words: Chicken suit.

Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.

Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
Stop at the green lights.
Go at the red ones.

Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

Eat food that requires more...

Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.Two words: Chicken suit.Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.Laugh a lot. A whole lot.Stop at the green lights.Go at the red ones.Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.Eat food that requires silverware.Pass cars, then drive very slowly.Sing without having the radio on.Honk frequently without motivation.Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.Ask people for Grey Poupon.Let pedestrians know who's boss.Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.Restart your car at every stop light.Hang numerous more...