Friar Jokes

In 1873, a team of German explorers and their three dogs decided to penetrate the heart of the South American jungle. After twelve years, they had set up a fort in an Incan town, the centerpiece of which was a large idol with a huge ruby for an eye.

The German church had sent out their best man, Friar Wilhelm Werks three times to check on the progress of the fort, and each time the appearance of the idol had sent him into fits of screaming, complete with shouts, curses, and rending of garments. Each time, he screamed so loud that he sent the dogs running for cover. And each time, he left with a warning that the next time he visited, the idol had better be torn down.

The commander of the fort, Hans Brickner, received a message that Friar Werks would be coming to visit again in a fortnight. He quickly called a meeting with his top commanders. All five agreed that the Friar would explode when he saw the idol still standing.

"But," said Commander more...

The abbey in England that was a bit down at the heels and decided to open a roadside stand to pull in some tourist money.
The abbot decided that something typically English was called for, so he sent Brother Sebastian and Brother Thomas down to the road to open a Fish and Chips stand.
A wit came by and asked Brother Sebastian, "Are you the fish friar?"
"No, friend," answered Brother Sebastian, "I'm the chip monk."
Slightly Vulgar
While on a special outing to take care of the abbey's business, Brother Sebastian found himself one day in his car, down in the ditch, and there was no help for the motor that had given up the ghost, it seemed.
Along came another motorist who stopped and asked, "I say, what seems to be the matter?"
"Oh, piston broke," said the friar.
"So am I, but w'at's the matter with the cah?"

The Groaner
The abbey in England that was a bit down at the heels and decided to open a roadside stand to pull in some tourist money.
The abbot decided that something typically English was called for, so he sent Brother Sebastian and Brother Thomas down to the road to open a Fish and Chips stand.
A wit came by and asked Brother Sebastian, "Are you the fish friar?"
"No, friend," answered Brother Sebastian, "I'm the chip monk."
Slightly Vulgar
While on a special outing to take care of the abbey's business, Brother Sebastian found himself one day in his car, down in the ditch, and there was no help for the motor that had given up the ghost, it seemed.
Along came another motorist who stopped and asked, "I say, what seems to be the matter?"
"Oh, piston broke," said the friar.
"So am I, but w'at's the matter with the cah?"

There was once a monastery and the friars there wanted a new bell for the bell tower. To raise enough money for the bell, the friars decided to start a florist shop. Well, word got out that some friars were opening a flower shop, and everyone wanted the friar's flowers! So they got great business and lots of money! Well, the other florists in that area weren't very happy because they were losing business. They sent a warning to the friars telling the friars that if they didn't stop selling flowers that they would send someone over to rough' em up! The friars ignored the warning. The next day however, the angry florists got together and hired a thug named Hugh. Hugh was big and strong! Hugh went to the friar's flower shop and beat the friars up and tore up their shop! So the moral to this story is: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!

A signboard on a halwai shop reads: "Credit only to those above 85 if accompanied by both parents."
Order of Monks "A silent Order of Monks is allowed to eat only porridge and speak just once a month. One month, Friar Albert stood up and said, "I hate porridge." A month of silence passes by and Friar Barnaby stands to say, "I like porridge." Another silent month goes by when Head Master Geoff rises and says...
"Would you two stop this constant bickering!"