Friday Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday the teacher asks: "How many grains of sand are on the beach?" needless to say, no one could answer.
The following Friday, the teacher asks the class: "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated little Johnny decides that the next Friday he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.
So Thursday night Johnny takes 2 ping pong balls and paints them black. The next day he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day just when the teacher says, "here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class more...

Week 1 - Memo No. 1

Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3 - Memo No. 2

Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Week 6 - Memo No. 3

Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday`s wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Week 8 - Memo No. 4

A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9 - Memo No. 5

As an outgrowth of Friday`s seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14 - Memo No. 6

The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled more...

One day the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.On the first Friday the teacher asks: "How many grains of sand are on the beach?" needless to say, no one could answer.The following Friday, the teacher asks the class: "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated little Johnny decides that the next Friday he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.So Thursday night Johnny takes 2 ping pong balls and paints them black. The next day he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day just when the teacher says, "here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts more...

The Associated Press: "A man shouting "freedom and liberty for all" set himself on fire in a suburban shopping mall Friday and hurled flaming objects at shoppers..."
- Friday, November 23, 2001
You warned them you'd do it if they opened up a sixth Starbucks.
Line for Santa is like two hours long.
"Chilly."
Been searching for 45 minutes for your car in the garage and you just don't know where the hell it is.
Compared to walking around while your wife looks at cups for another hour, it's bliss.
Can't find a chair.
Want to prove to your idiot friend that the combo fire extinguisher / martini mixer for sale in that stupid gadget store simply won't work.
You just lifted four CD's from Coconuts and you sense mall security closing in - and those bastards won't take you alive.
It was either that or let them force you to eat one of them disgusting Cinnabons.
Swallowed all bin Laden's crap about them 82 virgins.
You more...

Betty and Bob have been back from their honeymoon for two weeks when Bob came home from work saying he'd invited four friends from the office home for dinner on Friday.

Betty is a bit apprehensive as she asks if she must cook a meal for them all. Bob explains that there will actually be eight coming, as each has a spouse or date. Since this is her first party, he consoles her by saying that all she has to do is get some Chinese food in and perhaps she can bake a cake.

This sounds like a good idea, and they sit down and decide what Chinese food to get. Friday morning wife calls the office in tears. She explains that the only cake recipe she has will only feed six. Hubby says, "why don't you just double the recipe?" She decides that is a good idea. At four, hubby gets another phone call-this time quite frantic. "I just can't do it," wifely weeps. "It's impossible." "Now, now, what's the matter?" "Well, their recipe calls more...

If a cowboy rode into town on Friday and left three days later on Friday. How the hell did it happen?
Answer:The horse's name is Friday

1. Your coffee stays hot all day.2. Never have to look very far to find the legal department.3. In Hell, you know who drank your Coke in the fridge - Satan.4. 30% fewer "Dilbert" cartoons in the break room.5. In Hell, that devil-may-care attitude of yours comes in handy.6. You get to spend more time with your spouse now.7. No more wondering if the boss hates you.8. Riding to work in a hand basket beats the hell out of public transportation.9. Hourly dunks in searing pools of molten lava actually quite invigorating.10. Your office: One free stale donut every Friday. Hell: One brutal mutilation of a "Full House" cast member every Friday.11. Your job: Suit and tie. Hell: Pitchforks and attitude.12. Ferocious reptilian demons can appreciate a good dirty joke now and then without threatening a sexual harassment complaint.13. Microwave popcorn - without leaving your cubicle.