Friday Jokes / Recent Jokes
Casual Fridays:
Week 1 - Memo No. 1
Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.
Week 3 - Memo No. 2
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Week 6 - Memo No. 3
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Week 8 - Memo No. 4
A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Week 9 - Memo No. 5
As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.
Week 14 - Memo No. 6
The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page more...
Dear Friends:
When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness and since several of you have openly called me a dirty son-of-a-bitch to my face, I know I must have done something wrong at our office party last Friday. The Office Manager called me today from the hospital and so this is my last day here. I would like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I would prefer speaking to each of you personally, but all of you seem to go deaf and dumb whenever I try to talk to you.
First, to our dear and beloved boss, Mr. Simons, I am sorry for all the things I called you Friday afternoon. I am very much aware your father is not a baboon, nor your mother a whore. Your wife is a delightful woman and my story of you buying her for fifty cents in Tia Juana was a fragment of my imagination. Your children are undoubtedly yours too. About the water cooler incident, well, you will never know how badly I feel about it and I hope they more...
How do you get a blonde to laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday!
Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening." Aye, so I have.' Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later. ." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test." Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"
Cleaner Polishes Off Patients.
South African Health - Pelonomi Hospital
Date: 26 July 1996 10:08
"For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a dead
patient in the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for
the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters.
"There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive
checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for possible
bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues." "However,
further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths.
It seems that every Friday morning a cleaner would enter the
ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support
system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go
about her business. When she had finished her chores, she would
plug the life support machine back in and leave, unaware that the
patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear more...
As reported by the Brockton Enterprise, Friday, August 14, 1998
"Bride finds groom-to-be in bed with best man"
ATHENS-
Greek machismo has suffered a below-the-belt blow in Crete, where a bride-to-be was hospitalized with "severe shock" after discovering her groom in bed with his best man on the eve of their wedding.
A policeman in Heraklion said the story had sent shock waves through the island, where the groom has gone into hiding. "What was really upsetting for her was that he was wearing her wedding dress when she caught him in their own bed," he said. "Her family has sworn revenge if they ever find him."
The Athens news agency that carried the report said the couple had decided to tie the knot after a turbulent relationship and the wedding date was set for last Saturday. The bride-to-be stumbled upon her fiance and his best man after friends asked her to take them to the couple's home more...
One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate
her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first
student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of
the day off.
She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy
instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill."
"Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home early."
The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you,
but.." Before she could finish the quote, another young lady belts
out, "John F. Kennedy!"
"Very good," says the teacher, "you may go also."
Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny
said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."
Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know
who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, more...