Friday Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test. The doctor says to the first gal, "What is three times three?" "297," was her prompt reply. "Ummm humm," says the doc. The doctor says to the second lady, "It's your turn now. What is three times three?" "Friday," replies the second lady. "Ummm humm..."Then the doc says to the third, "Okay, mam, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," she says. "That's wonderful!" says the doc. "Tell me, how did you get that?" "Simple," she says, beaming... "I subtracted 297 from Friday!"
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered theelevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F"? (letters only). He smiled at her and replied,"S-H-I-T" (letters only)."She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile andsaid as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time. The man smiled "S-H-I-T."The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said,"T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and
announces to the class that on each Friday, she
will ask a question to the class and anyone who
answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the
following Monday. On the first Friday, the teacher
asks, "How many grains of sand are on the beach?"
Needless to say, no one could answer. The following
Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars
are in the sky?" and again no one could answer.
Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next
Friday, he would somehow answer the question and
get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes
two Ping-Pong balls and paints them black. The next
day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the
end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's
this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to
the floor sending the Ping-Pong balls rolling to the
front of the room. more...
Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have.' Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five O' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinessis -- couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later..." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"
14. Your coffee stays hot all day!
13. Never have to look very far to find the legal department.
12. In Hell, you *know* who drank your Coke in the fridge -- Satan!
11. 30% fewer "Dilbert" cartoons in the break room.
10. In Hell, that devil-may-care attitude of yours comes in handy.
9. You get to spend more time with your spouse now.
8. No more wondering if the boss hates you.
7. Riding to work in a handbasket beats the hell out of public transportation.
6. Hourly dunks in searing pools of molten lava actually quite invigorating.
5. Surfing porno sites all day scores *major* points with the boss!
4. Your office: One free stale donut every Friday. Hell: One brutal mutilation of a "Full House" cast member every Friday.
3. Your job: Suit and tie. Hell: Pitchforks and attitude, Baby!
2. Ferocious reptilian demons can appreciate a good dirty joke now and then without threatening a sexual harassment more...
A guy gets on a bus and sees this nun. He askes the bus driver "where can i meet her?"
The bus driver says "well" "ummm" "you can meet her at the church at 5:00pm on friday night but she wont just shag any man that comes up to her" "ok" says the man. So he goes to the church at 5:00pm on friday night dreesed as god and walks up to the nun and says" hi im god and i want to shag ya" the nun says yes. After they have both finished doing their bits the guy gets up and puts the suit back on and says to the nun "HA" "im not god im the guy off the bus" then the nun says "HA im not the nun, im the bus driver!!!
Suzie had a crush on Mikey since she was 15-years-old. Mikey never paid Suzie any attention. Every year, Suzie would try to get Mikey to notice her, but he just wasn't interested. Finally, when Suzie turned 18, she began to come of age, and sure enough, Mikey noticed. Suzie looked so pretty and grown-up, that Mikey asked her for a date for a Friday night.
She was so excited all that week and she could hardly wait for Friday. As soon as she got home from school on Friday, Suzie began getting ready for her date at 7. She spent four hours on her clothes, hair and make-up, wanting everything to be perfect for the night she had waited years for.
Finally, 7 pm came around. Looking out the window, she saw Mikey pull up in his shiny black car. She became so nervous and excited, that she opened the door before he even got to it. "Hi Mikey!" she said, nervous as a cat. Mikey replied, "Suzie you look beautiful!" Suzie was so pleased when she walked out more...