Front Jokes / Recent Jokes

Irish father O`Malley got up one fine spring morning and walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside and noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went something like this: "What a grand morinin it is. This is Sgt. Flaherty! How might I help ye?" "This is irish father O`Malley at St.Bridget`s. There`s a jackass lying dead on me front lawn. Would ye mind sending a couple o`yer lads to take care of the matter?" Sgt.Flaherty considered himself to be quite a wit so the rest of the conversation proceeded: "Well, now irish father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a moment and then irish father O`Malley replied: "Aye, that`s certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse were up in a hotel room and decided that they wanted to have sex. Well, the first thing Minnie asks is, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald says "No."
Minnie tells Donald that if he doesn't get a condom that they can't have sex and suggests to Donald that he go buy a condom. She says that maybe they sell them at the front desk.
Donald proceeds to go downstairs and gets to the front desk. He asks the hotel clerk if they sell condoms. The clerk says "yes we do" and pulls one out from under the desk and gives it to Donald.
The clerk asks "Would you like me to put that on your bill?"
Donald says "NO! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, SOME KIND OF PERVERT?

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?"
"Well," said the guy, "You see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art!"
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"

Miss Ashley was new to teaching at the junior high school and decided to test the general knowledge of her new class.
"Who can tell me who brought down the walls of Jericho?", she asked.
"Wasn't me, Miss!", came a swift reply from the front row.
Somewhat taken aback that no-one knew the answer, she reported what had happened in the staff room at break.
A fellow teacher asked, "The fellow who answered, was he the little one with red hair and glasses in the front?"
"Yes", she replied.
"Well", said the other teacher," I know him, and if he said that he didn't do it, then he didn't!!"
Now Miss Ashley was quite upset. She decided to go to the Principal. She told him what had happened, and the reaction of the other teacher who should have known better.
The Principal looked at her for a moment, then he said, "Look, Miss Ashley. You are new around here. There is no point in making trouble. Write more...

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don''t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don''t know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I''d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn''t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn''s correct number to call her, I found
that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the' 'wrong'' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You''re an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word' 'asshole'' next to it, and put it in my desk more...

A Mother-in-law decides to see if her three son-in-law's love her or at least appreciate her...
The next day while strolling along the river with her first son-in-law, she lets herself fall into the water and starts to drown.
Without hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in the river and saves his mother-in-law.
The next day, in front of his house, he finds a new car, a City Honda, with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.
She undertakes the same scenario with her second eldest son-in-law. This one too, dives into the river and saves his mother-in-law. The next day, he too, in front of his house, finds a new car: the same City Honda with a little note on the windshield: Thank-you on behalf of your mother-in-law.
The same scenario occurs with the third son-in-law, she falls in the water and starts to drown. He watches his mother-in-law drown while thinking to himself: I've been waiting a long time for this!
The next day, in more...

A motorist pulls up to the gas pumps and says "fill it up, please". The Attendant notices that the front and back seats of the car are
occupied by penguins.
"Hey Buddy" says the attendant to the driver, "These birds can't be happy like this...they're wild animals, you should take them to a zoo
or something.."
The motorist agrees to do so.
The next day the guy drives into the filling station and once more the attendant sees the penquins installed in the front and back seats, and they are all wearing sunglasses and holding towels...
"What's this?" he says to the driver, "I thought you agreed to take these birds to the zoo?"
The driver says "I did...and they had such a great time that today I'm taking them to the beach."