Fruit Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit.
"Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple."
The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy,and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks.
"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replys. "Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher more...
Two blondes are passing by a fruit shop when the grocer calls to them, "Bananas! 50 cents each or three for a dollar!"The girls stop and look at each other. "Well I suppose we could always eat the third one!"
You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake more...
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. The first thing he said was, "Don't.""Don't what?" Adam replied."Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said."Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we have forbidden fruit!""No way!""Yes, way!""Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God."Why?""Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why he stopped creation after making the elephants.A few minutes later, God saw his children having an apple break and he was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God, as our first parent, asked."Uh huh," Adam replied."Then why did you?" said the Father."I don't know," said Eve."She started it!" Adam said."Did more...
In a village, they had a rule that says "if anyone is caught stealing, the person will be asked to pick a fruit and 50 of that fruit will be shoved up his/her ass At once/the same time. but as they are shoving the fruit up the ass you must not laugh, if you do your head will cut off immediatly".
So they caught these three thieves trying to steal money. so they were asked to go get a fruit each(folowing the rules).
The first thief brought oranges...and they started shoving 50 of it in his butt at the same time, so he died.
The Second thief brought grapes(which was very small). but as they started shoving it up his ass, he started laughing so they cut his head off.
When he got to heaven, the first thief was very upset with him and was like why was he laughing because he wouldnt have died since the grapes were very small. the second thief still laughing was like "you dont understand". the first thief was like "Understand what?" then the more...
Vegetable: "Hey, lets get married."
Fruit: "I'm sorry."
Vegetable: "We could secretly get married."
Fruit: "No, we couldn't."
Vegetable: "Why?"
Fruit: "Because we can't elope."
Can't elope = cantelope