Fruit Jokes / Recent Jokes
one day a man said to his son go get some fruit pills from the chemist.so the boy is skipping down the road chanting " fruit pills for daddy, fruit pills for daddy" and he runs into a poll and bumps his head and forgets what he was saying. then he got up saying root pills for daddy, root pills for daddy he gets to the chemist and says can i have some root pills please and the lady says yes but tell your daddy that he needs to take 1 every 24 hours.the boy is skipping home chanting 1 every 24 hours,1 every 24 hours and bumps into a poll.then he gets up saying 24 every 1 hour, 24 every 1 hour he gets home gives his father the pills and says take 24 every 1 hour.the father reads the bottle and says these are not fruit pills go back and get some.so the boy is runing chanting fruit pilss for daddy, fruit pills for daddy and runs into a poll he gets up saying root pills for daddy, root pills for daddy.he gets to the chemist and asks for some root pills the lady asks how are you more...
Ingredients:
1 cup water 2 cups dried fruit 1 cup brown sugar
1 cup sugar 1 tsp salt 8 oz nuts
4 large eggs 1 tsp baking soda juice of 1 lemon
1 bottle of whisky
Method:
Sample whisky to check its quality.
Take a large bowl. Re-check the whisky to ensure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level
cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon
of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay and cry another tup.
Turn off the mixerer. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit. Mix
on the turner, and if the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with
a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonisisticity.
Next sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or
something. Whatever you can more...
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him.
At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listened intently as the older doctor and an older lady discussed the weather, their grandchildren and the latest church bulletin.
After some time, the older doctor asked his patient how she had been feeling.
"I've been a little sick to my stomach," she replied.
"Well," said the older physician, "you've probably been over doing it a bit with the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount of fresh fruit you eat and see if that helps."
As they left the house, the younger doctor asked how the older doctor had reached his diagnosis so quickly.
"You didn't even examine that woman," the younger doctor stated.
"I more...
A picky customer comes to a small food shop and sees a new delivery of fresh fruit. "Give me two kilograms of
oranges and wrap every orange up in a separate piece of paper, please," he says to the saleswoman. She does.
"And three kilograms of cherries, please, and wrap up every one in a separate piece of paper, too." She does.
"And what is that there," he asks pointing out a bushel in the corner. "Raisins," says the saleswoman, "but they are not for sale!"
once there was three men named bob john & ed. they all heard about this one hot farmer daughter and decided to sneak in at night time. they all accedentaly made a whole bunch of noise. the farmers daughters dad comes in and says what the hell is going on hear with his shotgun in his hand. he said well im not going to shoot u but i would like u all to go out and pick your favorite fruit. they all got up and went out to go get there favorite fruit. bob came back with a cherry the farmer said stick it up ur ass after five minutes he got it up there. later john was on his way back with an apple he said stick it up ur ass after ten minutes of grunting and groaning he got it up there. bob and john started laughing so hard and the farmer asked why are you two laughing while he was stroking his gun. they both said because here comes ed with a watermellon. as soon as ed found out what he had to do with it he said to the farmer there is no way in hell i am doing that so just shoot me and he did.
once there was three men named bob john & ed. they all heard about this one hot farmer daughter and decided to sneak in at night time. they all accedentaly made a whole bunch of noise. the farmers daughters dad comes in and says what the hell is going on hear with his shotgun in his hand. he said well im not going to shoot u but i would like u all to go out and pick your favorite fruit. they all got up and went out to go get there favorite fruit. bob came back with a cherry the farmer said stick it up ur ass after five minutes he got it up there. later john was on his way back with an apple he said stick it up ur ass after ten minutes of grunting and groaning he got it up there. bob and john started laughing so hard and the farmer asked why are you two laughing while he was stroking his gun. they both said because here comes ed with a watermellon. as soon as ed found out what he had to do with it he said to the farmer there is no way in hell i am doing that so just shoot me and he more...