Funny Jokes / Recent Jokes

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

A blonde woman was seated next to a man on a flight & wanted to take a nap. The man asked her if she'd play a game. She said no. "It'll be fun," he said. "No thanks," the blonde replied. The man then said "Let me tell u the rules. I'll ask u a question, & if u get it wrong, pay me $5, & vice-versa." Again, the woman said no. The man grew angry. "Okay, I'll ask u a question, & if u get it wrong, pay me $5. But if u ask ME a question & I get it wrong, I'll pay u $500." The annoyed woman finally gave in. He went first. "What’s the earth’s diameter?" The blonde reached into her wallet & gave him $5. Then the blonde asked him "What goes up a hill with 2 legs & comes down with 3?" Perplexed, the man pulled out his laptop & began searching the web. After an hour of him researching & making calls, the woman had dozed off. The man woke her & gave her $500. She thanked him & then went on napping. Frustrated, he asked more...

'Beauty and der Beast' and similar kinds of texts, where English is enriched by German words and morphemes (the elements of words), are obviously funny to native English speakers.
Here is what Germans (provided they know a little English) find funny - do you? The basic rule when writing such a text is to translate morpheme by morpheme, keeping the wordorder.
A reader's letter about Munich
THE FREEBODY-CULTURE
Very honored Mr. Chief-Editor,
I have the outeachothersetting in the Southgerman Paper about the English-teaching in Germany followed and I want now my mustard to it give. To make it short, it hangs me to the throat out, and therefore want I say something about your wonderful city. Mainthingly, find I Munich traffic-politically unreached. I sat myself in New York in the greatroom-flystuff, and eight hours later am I in your gemoodly flyport Riem. Then went it in only 15 minutes and the faststreet to the Maryplace, where I with many with-humans the Bellgame on more...

Where does Hitler keep his armies?

-In his slievies.

How does Hilter tie his shoes?

-In little Nazis!

Raat ka time jab Munna aur Chinkie apnay bed room mien so rahay thay to phone ki ghanti baji.
Voice: Aray doctor sahab jaldi aayeay! Meray betay nay blade kha liya hai.
Munna abhi jaanay k liye tayyar hi hota k dobara phone aata hai.
Voice: Doctor Sahab! Aab aanay ki koi zaroorat nahi, meray husband ko shave k liye doosra blade mil gaya hai.

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad, funny kind of movie, you know the type.

In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the movie.

After the movie had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. "That`s the most amazing thing I`ve ever seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. It`s remarkable!"

"Yeah, it is," said the man. "He hated the book."

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