lol Jokes

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE! !"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Once upon a time in a faraway land, a prince had a spell put on him by an evil witch. He could only say one word each year. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful girl. He wanted to call her darling, so he waited a year. When that was up, he wanted to say "Darling, I love you." So he waited another three years. But then he decided to propose. So he waited another four years to say: "Will you marry me?" After 8 years, he sat her down in a lovely garden, and said: "Darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"

"Pardon?"

my granny who mistook lol for lots of love wrote to my dad saying....my son, i am so sorry about the the loss of your wife and job, i am deeply sorry. extend my greetings to the rest of your family...lol

A Polish guy, a German guy, and a Russian guy are all challenged by a skunk on who can withstand its smell the longest in an outhouse.

They decide the German guy goes first. So he goes in.
After about 5 minutes, he walks out saying, "Oh god, that smelled horrible! I can't take it anymore!"

Then the Polish guy goes in.
After about 6 minutes, he too walks out, saying, "Shit, that smells worse than anything!"

Then, the Russian guy goes in.
Time passed, and the other two waited, and waited.

After about an hour, the skunk runs out saying, "I can't fucking stand it anymore! He took his fucking shoes off!!"

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.