Funny Puns Jokes / Recent Jokes

Whats Jesus and a picture of Jesus got in comon? They both get hung up with nails

- OK,... so what's the speed of dark?
- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
- How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
- Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
- Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took many pictures of the Dwarves and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch, she took the film to be developed. After a week or so, she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Snow White was so disappointed that she started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said kindly, "Don't worry, someday your prints will come."

You so poor when I saw your mama walking down the street kicking a can I walked up to her and asked her what she was doing she said she was moving.

A sailor trying to sneak back to his ship about 3 o'clock in the morning was spotted by a chief petty officer who ordered him to explain his tardiness. The lame explanation didn't work. "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you," the chief said. The sailor began to sweep, but a tern landed on the broom handle and he couldn't continue. He yelled at the bird, but it didn't budge. He finally plucked it off the broom and gave it a toss. But the bird came right back and again landed on the handle. Over and over, the same routine was repeated. A toss, one sweep, and the bird was back. When morning came, the chief also was back. "What have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started!" "Honest, chief," said the sailor, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link."

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow."

The Reverend Paul Fuzz was the pastor of a small congregation in a little town. One day, as he was walking down Main Street, he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking. He felt this was very sinful and definitely not something a member of his congregation should do. He entered the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Thomson," the Reverend said sternly, "this is no place for a member of my congregation to be. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Okay," slurred the very drunk woman.
When Mrs. Thomson stood up, she began to weave back and forth. Realizing she had had far too much to drink, the Reverend grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and fell to the floor.
After rolling around for a few seconds, the Reverend ended up laying on top of her, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Listen here, buddy, more...