Further Jokes / Recent Jokes

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.Streamlining was due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole. Management more...

There's a little boy and a little girl walking down the street one day.
The Little boy turn to the little girl and says: "My dad gave me five dollars today."
The little girl looks at him and says: "So what! My dad gave me ten dollars today."
As they get a little further down the street the little boy turns to the little girl and says: "My dad bought a brand new car."
The little girl looks at him and says: "So what! My day buys a new car every year."
Well this bothered the little bay a little but not to bad. As they walked down the street a little further the little boy turned to the little girl and said: "My dad started me a bank account last week and put in fifty dollars."
The little lookes at him and said: "So what! My start me a bank account and I have over five hundered dollars in it."
Now this saw pissing the little boy off, every time he told the little girl something she told him something more...

A man is walking down the street. Further down the street he notices Little Johnny. Little Johnny is sitting in a red wagon, wearing a fireman's hat. The wagon is tied to a dog, by its balls.
The man says to LittleJohnny "Little Johnny you could go alot further, if you tied the rope around the dogs neck."
Little Johnny replies "If I did that, I wouldn't have a siren"

A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker.
It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes
up,"what the hell was that?". The truck driver replies,
"some kinda animal, go back to sleep."
Further the same thing again, bang, "What the hell was that?", "some kinda animal
again."
Further into the night, bang, bang, bang, "What the hell was that?",
"Some [ethnic] bastard!". "How terrible", says the hitch-hiker, "but there
were 3 bangs"
The truck driver replies, "Yeah, well I had to go through two fences to
get the bastard..."

A pastor had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kittcould not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bentdown, he could then reach up and get the kitten. He did all this, checking his progress in the car frequently, then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved a little further forward....the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and catapulted the kitten instantly through the air-out of sight.

The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to Your keeping," and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery more...

Why isn't God helping us? Some people ask this question. Well, here's an answer.
Billy Graham's daughter was being interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.
She said "I believe that God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman that He is, I believe that He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand that He leave us alone?"
I know there's been a lot of emails going around in regards to 9/11/01, but this really makes you think. If you don't have time, at least skim through it, but the bottom line is something to think about... in light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.
Let's see, I think it more...

North Pole -- In the wake of accusations of the sexual abuse of children by pop-star Michael Jackson, a former SantaCo employee has made startling allegations regarding the CEO of SantaCo, Santa Claus.
Roger Keebler, half-brother of the cookie mogul, and a long-time media bad boy, left SantaCo in November. Keebler, who leveled the accusations at a press conference last night, refused top detail the reasons for his departure from SantaCo. Though, in a written statement, he simply said that he left due to a disagreement over a claus (sic) in his contract and because it was "a matter of conscience."
Keebler claims that Claus (alias Kris Kringle) "likes to have little children sit on his lap and he promises them presents, including toys nd pets." Keebler claims to have arranged liaisons for Claus. "The old pervert likes malls." Keebler said, "and he even had me take PICTURES!" Keebler further alleged that Claus would apparently more...