Further Jokes / Recent Jokes

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.

Streamlining was due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.

I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for more...

A new Perfect Husband Shopping Center opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men to find the perfect husband. It was laid out on five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended the floors. The only rule was that once you open the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you go up a floor, you can't go back down except to leave the store.

So, a couple of girlfriends go to the store to find a man to marry. The first-floor sign reads: "These men have high-paying jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and say, "Well, that's wonderful, but..." and wonder what's on the next floor.

The second-floor sign reads: "These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."

"Hmmmm," say the girls. "Wonder what's further up?"

The third-floor sign reads: "These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are more...

As the stewardess was checking passengers before takeoff, she saw a man dressed in rock climbing equipment, she asked him, "Sir, why are you dressed so?" to which he replied, "In case of a crash in the mountains, i can climb to safty and help everyone." Further down the aicraft, she sees a man dressed in scuba equipment and she asks, "Sir, why are you dressed so?" to which he replied, " In case we crash over the sea, i can swim to safty and help all on board." A little further down the plain she sees a blond dying her pubic hair black. The stewardess asks, "Madam, what are you doing?" to which the blond replies, "Well when the aicraft crashes, the first thing they look for is the black box!!"

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole. Streamlining was due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture. The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press. I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole. Management more...

We often see further through a tear, than through a telescope.

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and the same again. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the darn
cat would always beat him home.At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there... Hours later, the man calls home to his wife."Jen, is the cat there?""Yes", the wife answers..."why do you ask?"Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a **** on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"

One day wee jordy was out walking with his lass in the fields of scotland,
while walking through the heather the lass says;
"ah wee jordy i can tell you want to hold my hand!
wee jordy says "aye lass that i do, but how can you tell?
Well she says "i can tell by the gleam in your eye."
Walking along a bit further she says to him "wee jordy i can tell you want
to give me a kiss".
"well I lass that i do, but how can you tell?"
"ah wee jordy, i can tell by the gleam in your eye!"
Walking along a bit further she says "wee jordy i can tell you want to
make love to me".
he says, "aye lass that i do! you can tell by the gleam in my eye!"
"No!" she says... "by the tilt in your kilt!"