Future Jokes / Recent Jokes

The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.

Flutes: If you are a flute player then you're probably smart, strong, out-going, and have a lot of friends. But you might want to watch out for low brass players because some of them may not enjoy your high pitched melodies.
Compatibility: Trumpets, clarinets and saxophone players are OK, but stay clear from tuba players.

Clarinet: If you play the clarinet then you're most likely to be strong, and strong-willed, skilled and talented, smart, and of course, romantic. The future is always in your past and the past is always in your future. As the same for flute players, watch out for the low brass section. Compatibility: Flutes, trumpet and French horn players are advised.

Oboe: If the oboe is your skill then you are smart, very talented, well rounded, cunning, dexterous, and clever. Beware of clarinets though, because its just genetic for them to dislike you. Compatibility: Flutes, French horns, and trumpet players are all right, but steer clear from clarinets.

Men often find blowing off a woman the most difficult part of the dating process. The closest they ever come to telling a woman it's over is to look her straight in the eye and say, "I'll call you next week." But there is now a great way to blow a woman off. It's safe, it's affordable and the best thing is the female has no opportunity to throw things at you. It's at your fingertips right now: E-mail.
That's how all the happening, 90's kind of guys are telling women they are not worthy. You'll feel like a real man knowing you have told her how you really feel from the safety of your keyboard. And you can delete her response without ever reading it. What could be more painless? Following is an email rejection letter:
Men can use it the next time they need to put their main squeeze on notice. The text of the letter follows:
Dear (her name), I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention to become the future Mrs. (your last name). As more...

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

Completely clear glasses show how bright the future is expected to be.

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has more...

1.dumb guy: I have'nt slept all nite on the train.
Friend: Why?
Dumb guy: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why did'nt you exchange?
Dumb guy: oye, there was nobody to exchange with in the lower berth.
2. A Teacher lecturing on population -
In India, every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A dumb guy stands up - We must find & stop her!
3. Dumb guy - Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Dumb guy - If only the winner will get the cup, why are the
others running?
4. Teacher: "I killed a person." Convert this sentence into future tense.
Dumn guy: The future tense is, "You will go to jail."
5. Dumb guy gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out,
climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Dumb guy: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
6. Dumb guy was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be more...