Gained Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three churches - Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian - worked together to sponsor a community- wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.

The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families."

The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families."

The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest troublemakers!"

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.And Satan created McDonald's, and McDonald's brought forth the $3.20 double-cheeseburger, and Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?", and Man said, "Super size them."And Man gained pounds.And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt.And Woman gained pounds.And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese, and there was ice cream for dessert.And Woman gained pounds.And God said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."And Satan brought forth chicken- fried steak so big it needed its own platter.And more...

And God populated the earth with cauliflower, spinach, broccoli and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would be able to live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "Would you like fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so attractive.
And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese.
And there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan more...

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds. And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds. And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them." And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof. And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And Satan more...

In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.

The Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."

And God said, "Let there be light" and there was light. And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.

The Devil said, "There goes the neighborhood."

And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image; male and female did He create.

And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.

The Devil said, "I think I know how I can get more...