Garbage Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the TV, eat dinner, and sit some more--would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit.
One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?" Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa.
The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?" Once again, he growled, "What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?"
The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?" And again was met with a snarl, "What do more...

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

While strolling around in a mental hospital, the doctor saw a patient fishing in a garbage can. The doctor decided to speak to the patient. He went and sat beside him and decided to humor the patient first.
"So how many fish did you catch today?" he asked.
"You must be crazy, don't you know this is a garbage can?!"

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it."The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic."St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, "How many people died on the ship?"Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "About 1,500.""That's right! You may enter."St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."

Youve come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.

The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your carin the ten items or less lane.

Youve stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.

Youve found yourself discussing rain gutters.

You remember your kids names, just not always the right one.

You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.

Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.

You buy age-defying makeup and antiwrinkle creams and believe they work.

Youve realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.

You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.

As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo more...

Q: What's the difference between an ugly girl and garbage?
A: Garbage gets picked up.

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all die and go to Heaven. St. Peter's there, and when they get to the gate, St. Peter informs them that there will be a test to get into Heaven: they each have to answer one question.
To the teacher, he says, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?"
The teacher thinks for a sec, and then replies, "That would have been the Titanic, right?".
St. Peter lets him through the gate. St. Peter turns to the Garbage man, and, figuring that Heaven doesn't REALLY need all the stink that this guy would bring into heaven, decides to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
The garbage man guesses: "1228"
"That happens to be right; go ahead." St. Peter turns to the Lawyer: "Name them."