Garden Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked her father.
"They're mating," replied her father.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy," she asked.
"That's a daddy longlegs," her father answered.
"Then the other one is a mommy longlegs?" asked the little girl.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
"Well, we're not having THAT sort of thing in OUR garden!" she exclaimed.

Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him.7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he left his tools.3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden. 2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"And finally, the number ONE reason more...

there was a little kid and she wanted to take a shower with her mom and her mom said es when they were in the shower the little girl looked up and said "
mommy whats that?"
and her mom said "
thats my garden"
the next day the little girl wanted to take a shower with her dad and he said ok when they were in the shower the littlegirl looked up and asked "
daddy whats that?"
and her dad said "
thats my snake"
that night she got scared and slept with her mom and dad during the night she woke up and said "
MOMMY, MOMMY! THE SNAKES GOING IN THE GARDEN!!!

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."

A man and his daughter were standing in the garden one day when the little
girl spots two spiders mating. Mary: Daddy, what are those two spiders doing? Dad: They're mating, honey. Mary: What's the one on top called? Dad: It's a daddy-longlegs. Mary: So the one on bottom is a mommy-longlegs? Dad: No, it's a daddy-longlegs, too. Mary: (thinks for a minute, then stomps on both spiders) Well, we're not having any of that crap in OUR garden!

5. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

4. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.

3. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

2. As Keeper of the Garden Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

And finally
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."

Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm." "No, she isn't," said Johnny. "Why not?" "Because I ate her first!"