Gardener Jokes

Once upon a time there was a golden songbird that lived in a beautiful garden. It spent all its days singing the loveliest songs to the honour of its maker and the delight of all the people who heard it.
But the keeper of the garden, who was a foolish and greedy man, coveted the little songster, and one day he made a cunning net in which he snared it. The little bird begged the man to release him and promised to tell him three great secrets if only he would let him go. Now the gardener really was a very greedy man and rubbing his hands together, he eagerly released the bird.
Then the songbird told him it's three great secrets: Never believe all that you hear; Never regret what you have never lost, and never throw away that which you have in your keeping.
The gardener was furious when he heard this and said he had known these so-called' secrets' since he was a little child and shouted that the bird had tricked him. But the songbird quietly replied that if the man had more...

When a man is described as having a green thumb, it doesn't necessarily mean he's a great gardener. It could also mean he's a rotten painter!
If you cross a rambling rose with a pansy, you get a rose that still rambles, but it also skips!
He must be a good gardener. He and his plants are both potted!
There was a man who flunked tree-doctor school. He fainted at the sight of sap!

A wealthy woman is giving a garden party, and several well-to-do guests attend. While the party ensues, two gardeners are out on the back lawn working. One of the guests was watching the gardeners do their thing, and while one gardener was busy weeding the other jumped up and did graceful swirling dance movements. Taken by his grace, the guest remarked to the host, "That man is such a talented dancer, that I'd pay him a hundred pounds to demonstrate his dancing before my aerobics class!" When the host asked the first gardener about such an arrangement, he yelled, "Hey Fred! Do you think for a hundred pounds you could step on that rake again?"

Man: Did you kill that mole in my garden?

Gardener: Yes sir, i did

Man: Good, i hope you disposed of the body

Gardener: I did sir, i buried him alive

Santa and Banta were talking one day.
"My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the produce market." said Santa.
"So were you able to find some?" asked Banta.
"Well when I got to the market, I asked the gardener, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"
"The gardener said 'No, you'll have to do that yourself.'"